The Nightly Show - TV Review - Someone had to watch it

Last night on TV, it was a tossup what to watch between the new show on ITV ‘The Nightly Show’ or watching ‘Hunting Hitler’ over on the History Channel with the latter winning out leaving the ITV show for +1 later.

Before I start, the new ITV offering is billed as an entertainment show along the lines of the American late-night talk shows popular with viewers over there. Promising topical comedy, studio games with celebrity guest tonight it was hosted by David Walliams' which will change with guests hosts such as Gordon Ramsay, John Bishop and Mel & Sue lined up to take the reins in the coming weeks.

It was awful, I was not alone with that opinion just a look at social media outlets were awash with negative comments, and they move the ‘News at Ten’ for this rubbish. I know it was its broadcasting debut but still it was that bad it could scare you from watching for life. Walliams’ was a bad choice outside of ‘Little Britain’ I find him very unfunny and the celebrity guest Martin Clunes was just as bad. Another guest was ventriloquist Nina Conti and that was a case of who the hell was she.

The jokes were rubbish not even a chuckle here more embarrassment than anything else while ITV bigwigs must have dived into the bunker for an emergency debrief.

If I were tonight’s guest, I would throw a sickie. I expect it will merely become a vehicle for ITV to plug its own programming and stars as well as reality stars of TOWIE and the like. I would predict the ‘News at Ten’ regaining its regular spot back before the end of the eight week run of the show but with new hosts ever week? Maybe not.

If you have Sky Atlantic at 10:35pm, there is better American entertainment with Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. The host is a Brit and is very funny.

Nightly Show is truly awful, gut wrenching rubbish.

Sunday Crush - Susan Sarandon - The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Here we go with ‘Crush Sunday’ with a touch of lust, no a lot of lust but she still counts towards a crush namely Susan Sarandon. It was in the 1975 film The Rocky Horror Picture Show as a 15-year-old hormone full teenage boy my crush began.

It was a few years before I actually saw the film. My first glimmer of this beauty was on Film 75 that late night film bible hosted by Barry Norman on the BBC. The reason why I think my crush is worthy of reporting to you, is because in it I never once entertain thoughts of getting bored with the young buxom star of Rocky Horror, and the lesbian vampire film of The Hunger another film that reminds me why she is a crush.

In Rocky Horror Sarandon, plays Janet having just tied the knot to Brad, their car breaks down outside a mysterious castle they knock the door to ask for help and use a telephone. Once inside they met a confusion of strange characters in all kinds of state of undress with the owner a crazy transvestite called Dr. Frank N. Furter.

Janet succumbs to Frank N. Furter believing it is Brad. Later she discovers the "secret to life itself" Frank N. Furters creation, Rocky, who he brought to life. She finds him cowering in his birth tank after being tormented Janet becomes intimate with Rocky. Janet spends most of the time running around when she is not indulged in sex wearing stockings and suspenders, called a garters belt in the good old USA but the film was filmed in England during winter.

Susan Sarandon is another one of those women that is like a fine wine--only getting better with age.

The Road to the Welsh Cup Final - The Route

Welsh Cup yesterday and my team was in a David verses Goliath situation maybe not of the magnitude of Sutton/Arsenal FA Cup fixture and all the pre match hype but still it was Welsh Premier League against Cymru Alliance.

My team Llanfair United, I say my team you must know the drill by now I follow a team on the route to the Welsh Cup final. They may have had a good home win against Cefn Druids in the fourth round however yesterday they were well and truly put to the sword.

Home advantage against Welsh Premier team Caernarfon Town and with a win leading to a Semi-Final place there was plenty to play for but it was not to be. The visitors piled 7 (seven) goals on the hapless Cymru Alliance club it what was a one way shocker from the limited reports on the game I could find.

Leaving the North Wales club my new team to follow who will now face Bala Town in the Welsh Cup Semi Final at a neutral venue. The other Semi-Final is between The New Saints and Gap Connah's Quay with New Saints odds on favourites to win the cup having won the last three. Again, Welsh football shows the dominance of North Wales football with all four teams coming from the North.

The road so far:

• Fifth Round - Llanfair United 0-7 Caernarfon Town
• Fourth Round - Llanfair United 4-1 Cefn Druids
• Third Round - Cefn Druids 2-0 Llantwit Major
• Second Round - Llantwit Major 1 - 0 Llandrindod Wells
• First Round - Sully Sports 2 - 6 Llantwit Major
• Second Round Qualifying – Sully Sports FC 4-1 Tiger Bay
• First Round Qualifying – Tiger Bay 2-1 Blaenavon Blues

The Swingers - TV Review

Eva

Last night Channel 4 screened ‘The Swingers’ a Dutch drama with English subtitles and described as “Fatal Attraction meets Murder in Suburbia”. Ever since shows like ‘The Bridge’ made an impact on UK TV, we have seen a steady stream of Scandi drama and Nordic dramas airing here.

The show centres on a young couple, a teacher named Eva and her music journalist boyfriend, Peter, who just bought their dream house in a pretty Amsterdam suburb and their new neighbours are a sleazy, corrupt police officer Steef and personal trainer Rebecca. The other neighbours we are introduced to are a nosy older couple named Lilly and Jasper who as a bit of a crush on Rebecca but detests her husband. He managers to get a copy of their house key and a telescope and not for star gazing.

It opens with a clown walking hand in hand with a child. Knowing there is a murder I jumped the gun thinking it was the child but no, they reach his home and tells the clown his parents were arguing with their new neighbours. We then see blood smeared on the window. After the opening, we are transported back 22 weeks.

Soon Peter eyes Rebecca in her garden maybe eyeing her a tad too long. They commit to buy the house looking forward to their future. At school Eva waters break and his taken to hospital by her sister where her baby, a girl named Lieve, is born 10 weeks premature. There is a suggestion that Peter was not the father of Lieve but it is not explained why. Is he infertile? Was it an affair?

There also seems to be some friction between Eva and her parents and while awhile from the hospital to sign the papers for their new house tragedy strikes — Lieve dies from complications.

Strangely, after the premiere of episode one on Channel 4, the full series will be immediately available, free to view or download. Will I be rushing to watch the next episode? Maybe not. It was a slow start with no swinging or sex yet but I am sure to pick up the next episode eventually.

Bitch Slap - Film Review - Sexploitation

Sometimes when YouTube fails to come up with something to watch I check out Dailymotion and today it came up trumps with a cracking little film called ‘Bitch Slap’ (2009), sexploitation at its best.

I just got through watching a raucous, explosive, titillating, jaw dropping, hilarious, and generally, rather stimulating film and I feel like oh boy more please. This is one of the most absolutely freakin' awesome movies I've seen in years.

The delightful main titles sequence were a homage to sexploitation on celluloid. The story begins with three women arriving at a secluded mobile home in the desert all are costumed to show off their ample assets, which the camera unashamedly explores at every opportunity.

They are tracking down some hot diamonds, and a "nano-swarm" biological warfare device stolen from the CIA, which is explored through a series of flashbacks. First, they need to find the loot and in the boot of the car, they have club owner Gage (Michael Hurst) to help them out. He takes a beating before giving up the information then he grubs Trixie (Julie Voth) looking for a deal to get himself out of the mess he is in but Camero (America Olivo) shoots his dick off and then blows a hole through is brain.

Hel (Erin Cummings) is the leader, brains of the group and with the information from Gaga are soon digging for the loot, and it gives the camera operator plenty of options for longing shots of their ample assets again. If you remember the car-washing scene from the film ‘Cool hand Luke’, we are given a water fight between our three heroines or are they with unrestrained camera shots of their boobs.

We are entertained with a searing lesbian scene between Hel and Trixie with a bit on nun on nun sex thrown in one of the flashbacks and some of the all-time greatest chick fights ever filmed with equal skill.

Two separate fist-pounding showdowns between Hel and Camero are spectacular a set pieces free-for-all. It is not only fist cuff there are big guns, swords, chains, razor-edged yo-yos, explosions, and everything else you can think have come into play in several other many people would call is a stupid film. Yes it sexploitation on a grand scale and a homage to Russ Meyer films but it is not a B movie but pure unadulterated entertainment.

SS-GB - TV Review

The BBC gave us some new Drama SS-GB set in 1941 London, Nazi Germany London. After losing the Battle of Britain and the invasion the Germans where now in control. An interesting premise so I was up for an hours viewing.

Being the BBC social media was awash with criticism of 'mumbling' what has become the norm for all BBC drama these days. But I was having no problem.

The story picks up 14 months after the invasion and centres on Detective Superintendent Douglas Archer (Sam Riley). A Spitfire lands on the Mall flown by a famous Nazi pilot who is killed by a lone resistance fighter. In the background, we later see a bombed out Buckingham Palace.

We find Archer having morning naughty’s with his girlfriend/secretary in an apartment of an important Nazi official. A phone call sees him off to investigate a murder at an antiques shop. From the first look around the living quarters of the shop, the murdered man seems to have a profitable sideline in the black market. Archer also makes the discovery of a link to the resistance.

He also encounters an American Journalist Barbara Barge (Kate Bosworth) at the antique shop who he spied through an upstairs window she was not hard to miss in dreary London wearing such bright clothes. An obvious love interest for Archer.

Back at the office, he is order to see his over boss a German who informs him that he will now be working with an SS Officer Dr. Oskar Huth (Lars Eidinger). He is in London to push forward some kind of plan that may or may not have something to do with the murder at the antique shop.

His wife is dead and he lives with his son, a woman, and her son, wife of a POW, she looks after his son and is a housekeeper for him.

His girlfriend/secretary is with the resistance telling Archer his partner Sergeant Harry Woods is also resistance. Added to all this is the fact that one of the resistance leaders — a one-armed man — has taken an interest in Archer and has placed himself within easy striking distance of Archer’s son. Which sees Archer rushing off to stop the man from getting to his son by the close of the episode.

This first episode set the scene brilliantly. I was impress with the period costumes, the production values are top notch, and I will be watching next Sunday. Well worth a punt if you missed it via the iPlayer.

Road to Wembley - All the away with Lincoln

Ask the fans of Lincoln City what they thought of the FA Cup as they piled on the coaches, cars, and trains to make their way to Premiership Burnley this morning. You bet they loved it and have been thinking and talking about it for weeks.

Little did I know that in the fifth round my fortunes would be tied to a non-league team in my fantasy ‘Road to Wembley’ after Lincoln beat Brighton who at the time were top of the championship 3-1 after they made 9 or 10 changes to their team. Showing the lack of respect that some managers show to lower placed teams many of which have come a cropper.

The excuse they nearly always use, they are resting players. Poor players who have to play another game good to see Manchester United boss Jose Mourinho tell the press he would never again would he throw away the chance of FA Cup glory. However, would he say the same if he had a champions league game mid-week.

I am sure Burnley would show Lincoln all the respect needed they are top of the National League and proven to be dangerous which they dually did. The game was live on BT which was a pity has I am not a fan of their football coverage. Still I have to live with it. Watching the game, the pundits kept talking about the percentage of the game Burnley were having but all I was thinking had they scored because it does not matter unless they are scoring goals.

Then something truly ruddy marvellous happened. Yes little Lincoln became big Lincoln when they go and score just before full time with five minutes of injury time left on the clock. You know your team is in trouble when the goalkeeper comes up for the last chance saloon corner.

So they go into the hat for the Quarter Finals and everyone loves an underdog do they not.

Road to Date

• Fifth Round – Burnley 0-1 Lincoln City Att
• Fourth Round - Lincoln City 3-2 Brighton Att
• Third Round - Brighton 2-0 MK Dons Att 11091
• Second Round (replay) - MK Dons 3-1 Charlton
• Second Round - Charlton 0-0 MK Dons
• First Round (Proper) – MK Dons 3-2 Spennymoor Town Att 4099
• Fourth Round Qualifying - Lincoln United 0-3 Spennymoor Town Att 578
• Third Round Qualifying - Lincoln United 3-1 Handsworth Paramore Att 315
• Second Round Qualifying - Handsworth Paramore 2-0 Burscough Att 98
• First Round Qualifying – Squires Gate 2-5 Handsworth Parramore
• Preliminary Round – Squires Gate 3-2 West Didsbury & Chorlton
• Extra Preliminary Round - Maltby Main 2-3 Squires Gate

Valentine's Day - Cardiff City and a Takeaway

It is Valentine’s Day and all I have on my mind is three points for Cardiff City win tonight and a Valentine Indian takeaway.

On the football front. Cardiff face a trip to Derby, who are in and about a play-off spot but on the weekend, they found lowly Bristol City a tough nut to crack. In fact, Derby were 3-0 down at half time and they were at home on Saturday but manage to scrape a 3-3 all draw at full time. After denting Leeds United play-off aspirations at the weekend, can Cardiff pull the double?

City have pulled themselves away from the bottom three and relegation and are now 10 points clear. Next goal must be to reach the top end of the league table. Little steps toward next season.

It will be the radio or even sadder watching the BBC videprinter for me tonight.

Valentine takeaway is getting a bit of an upgrade today from a Chinese to an Indian thanks to the remnants of my Christmas present money. So it will be pig out night and I am in training with a light breakfast and lunchtime snack before I take on my curry although dad popped in with a Clarks Pie. In the fridge for tomorrow but during a catnap, the wife only goes and pops it in the oven, oh well.

On the menu tonight
Chicken Curry
Keema Pilau Rice
Chips
Keema Naan

Tonight’s meal will cost nearly twice the cost of a Chinese and of course, there are the boys with their plates out ready. I just could not set back eating a curry with them watching cruel I would call it.

I hate Valentine's Day - I love a love story mine for instance

I hate Valentine’s Day, with its chocolate hearts, tacky pink cards, helium balloons, and flowers and overpriced tables at restaurants which, I don't buy into. By Friday, it will be back to normal with plenty of valentine tat on offer at half price or less so my Valentine 15th. I think my wife does enjoy the whole Valentine day event and for her I will smile and there could be something behind my back but I wish the day could pass of like anyother day.

I cannot even remember last Valentine’s day but I remember the moment I met the love of my life which is more important to me and the only love story I care about. Who does not enjoy a good old-fashioned love story?

It was Christmas 1983 and I had just been let go from the stores at the Skill Centre. On my way home, I decided to pop in at a Christmas party at the Parade Adult Education Centre for a drink or two. Glenys (The Wife) was there but I did not know her and any way I was catching up with old friends. At some point, she was directed to my attention and I was asked my opinion, I shot off a reply “Not for me” and left it there. A bit nasty but true and it was not as if I said it to her face.

Over the next few months, we became friends/mates meeting at the Centre, a group of us started socialising mainly in the pub, and we started to get along. Still there was nothing-romantic going on but that changed in the summer of 1984 but things had moved on. She had acquired a boyfriend and to top it off a mate and I was kind of dating myself with a ‘friend with benefits’ in a long term relationship.

The change in my feelings happen when a group of friends called at my house and we were standing about having a chat when Glenys slid across the back seat of the car. Just like ‘Bernie, the bolt’ hitting the target on the Golden Shot an arrow when straight through my heart, shit what to do now.

It just had to be a case of unrequited love has I would never climb over a mate for a girl. Something like that is not who I am. However, I did become a bit of a third wheel in her relationship, which was a bit naughty, and after Christmas 1984 when everything hit the buffers someone was around with a broad shoulder to cry on.

So just after New Year, we became an item nine months later we were standing in front of a vicar and 34 years later we are still together and I am still complaining about ruddy Valentine’s Day.

Another five sexy videos (Part 2)

Here we go another five hot videos I have remember from the past of hot videos mostly from the 80's a gold mine of the sexy vids unlike today which we see many just out and out porn.

Justify My Love - Madonna

Despite being so popular, the video was too hot to handle. MTV outright banned it with the BBC refusing to show the video. It did not stop the track reaching number 2 in the UK charts.

The black and white video contained sexual images too explicit for networks to air (and definitely NSFW/ after the watershed), including S&M and voyeurism. Madonna got down and dirty with a man and woman wearing only some lacy lingerie, as well, surrounded by religious icons.

It coursed offence on many levels, it is not porn but art has Madonna told an interviewer at the time.

All the Thinks She Said - T.A.T.U

Russians reach number 1 in the UK charts, a joke right but no it happened. What did it take for this to happen, you would be within your rights to ask.

Well you get two woman dressed in school girl uniforms, add some rain and some pretend lesbianism, singing their hearts out to a repetitive dance beat, you can't deny it worked. The song spent four weeks at number one on the UK Singles Chart. At the time the King and Queen of daytime TV in the UK, Richard and Judy, campaigned to have the video banned from television, due to it pandering to paedophiles with the use of school uniforms and young girls kissing, it failed.

The BBC said the video was not banned from Top of the Pops it was just not shown.

Strangelove - Depeche Mode

I would call this an arty pop video I like the sharpness of the black and white video. Like all the songs in this sexy video section, I like the songs and this is a particular favourite.

Within the video, there are two models in underwear and with this being shot in Paris, France plenty of Parisian style. Seeing the two strut their stuff around the streets of Paris is what I would expect. MTV objected to some of the more revealing footage of the models and the video was edited to replace them with images of the band.

The Chauffeur - Duran Duran

When it comes to using sex in video the hands down winners are Duran Duran and this one is up there with ‘Panic Girl’ but with no cast of plenty. We have here a moody, elegant black-and-white piece inspired by the fetishist imagery of Helmut Newton.

Two mysterious, hauntingly beautiful women ritualistically dressing themselves in elaborate lingerie before travelling separately through the dark streets and tunnels of London to meet in an empty underground car park. Exotic lesbian encounter on touching but for their hands as they sway back and forth to the music. Then a topless female chauffeur performing a sensuous dance.

Freedom 90

Another video laden with A-list models showing again the pulling power of popstars.

In the video for “Freedom 90”, George Michael sets fire to his famous leather jacket and blows up the jukebox images from his Wham days. Then significantly, he takes himself out of the picture replaces his face with those of the most famous models of the day: Linda Evangelista, Naomi Campbell, Christy Turlington, Cindy Crawford, Tatjana Patitz who all mime to the song.

They mouth the words to the song we see Cindy, naked in a bathtub; Christy, wrapped in a sheet; Naomi, dancing around in combat boots and hot pants; Linda, sitting on the floor in what looks like an oversized sweater; Tatjana, looking sad and smoking a cigarette. (There are male models, too, but I am sorry, I do not care about them).

BAFTAs 2017 - It is cold outside .... and inside

In a freezing London for the 70th annual British Academy Film Awards but it looked more like summer on the ‘Red Carpet’ from the class of British film royalty to their Hollywood counterparts there was a lot of bare skin on show.

British royalty were on show with Wills and Kate out mingling. The Duchess dazzling in an Alexander McQueen off-the-shoulder dress. While hubby Wills was nicely tucked up in a tuxedo and nice and warn probably wearing thermal underwear.

Soon as the ladies slipped out of their cars, off with their coats and wraps pressing them on to their PA or some lackey as they switch on the smile. Layers would be the trick but not easy to get away with while fur could be an option but for PETA.

One of the braves of the brave on the cold night was Emma Stone showing lots of skin with the thinnest of dresses but she proved she was a smartie wearing trousers that matched her dress. Sizzling in the cold was Game of Thrones beauty Sophie Turner, who plays Sansa Stark well she was born and raised in Winterfell so she must be tough as nails.

The Royal Albert Hall auditorium looked has cold as outside but who one what. Does one care but I was glad, “I Daniel Blake” picked up the first award “Outstanding British Film” he slammed the Government during his BAFTAs acceptance speech.

"The most vulnerable and the poorest people are treated by this government with a callous brutality that is disgraceful," he said.

"It's a brutality that extends to keeping out refugee children that we promised to help. That's a disgrace."

That was about it for me however, in particular, I bet some of these losing ladies with those false smiles are wishing they stayed home or wore a parka. The jokes were bad per as usual but Stephen Fry was good.

The tribute to those who gone was the normal tug at the heartstrings so many I have been watching over the years giving me enjoyment. It is not just the actors like John Hurt but the cameraman, directors and all the other people who put their stamp on a film be it ever so little.

Sunday Crush – The known woman – Girl Panic by Duran Duran

Yes! We have a picture from a Duran Duran video and of course she is in the video but still nameless to me. She is in the video “Girl Panic", released by the band in 2011. The video features in ‘My top 5 sexy videos’ on this blog and it also features in the way of eye candy world's biggest supermodels, like Yasmin Le Bon, Cindy Crawford, Naomi Campbell, Eva Herzigova and Helena Christensen playing the band.

There are plenty of other models prancing around in lingerie throughout the video but her brief few seconds and this picture elevated her to my crush list. I do not know why I find her so attractive but looking at the picture her eyes draw one in, the pout, and I love the hair, I have a thing about hair.

A point I would like to make she is smoking and anyone who knows me gets my mantra about smoking and smokers. I hate the filthy habit even more seeing it killed my mum. For Christ sake she is holding a cancer stick but in my mind she is flicking the finger, a rather big finger.

This is like a proper old school crush. Like the girl, I would see every day from the school bus walking home from another school she was beautiful I never knew her name, never talked to her but I still remember her.

Must see TV - Week beginning 11/02/2017 - My Choice

I have not thrown out my planned weekly viewing for a while so here I go “I’m Back”.

There has been a lot to catch up with TV shows and many films I recorded during Christmas and New Year but now I have caught up I can relax a bit more. I love Saturday night’s drama Taboo and I have enjoy Apple Tree Yard it is great to see No Offence back as well.

On the documentary front BBC3 online are showing the powerful Reggie Yates: Hidden Australia, who embeds himself with local police to understand the scale of the Ice epidemic in Melbourne, visits a halfway house full of addicts and meets users about to enter rehab.

Saturday – Match of the Day – BBC1 10:30pm

I am not a fan of Premiership football as my team presently ply their trade in the Championship but I love watching football from the top to the bottom. I get joy out of football even down the park if there is a game on. Many a time and much to the annoyance of my wife I would stop to watch a game when we lived close to Sevenoaks Park.

Watching Match of the Day has always been a tradition from when I was a kid. Saturday night was special time I was allowed to stay up late with Dad coming in from the pub/club with a bag of chips, which we would share.

Sunday – British Academy Film Awards 2017 – BBC1 9pm

What is not to like about a good old fashion awards ceremony with all the glitz something the British can do well not including the Z list soap awards.

The film La La Land with 11 nominations is expected to be a big win on the night where those he win here can look to do well at next month’s Academy Awards. Along with homegrown stars, some of the biggest names of Hollywood will attend the biggest red carpet event of the year.

Monday – The Walking Dead – Fox Channel 9pm

Thank god, it is back on our screens after the midseason break, why have us fans have to put up with it, only in America would they come up with this kind of torture. The early episodes in this series were disappointing with Rick, is group-becoming poodles to the new badie in town Negan, and is crew.

However, it looks like Rick as found is balls again has he tools up looking for other groups under the thumb of Negan to join him and fight back. I cannot see Negan sitting back quietly for any move on his authority so the end of this series should be lively.

Tuesday – Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads – Yesterday 9pm

I recently blogged about this comedy sitcom and low and behold my favourite episode is on the TV and I do not care that I have seen it umpteen times. This episode is ‘No Hiding Place’ the one where they are trying to dodge the score of an England football match so they could watch the highlights that evening.

But they have to contend with a mate who they have bet £10 that they could not go through the day without learning the score. They spend the rest of the day dodging their friend who is hell bent on telling them the score. One of them sees a newspaper headline that says "England F..." which takes their mood down a notch, “England Fail” one of them comes up with the other “England Five”. When he finally catches them just before the highlights show, they pay up just so he would not tell them. It is a great episode if you get the chance watch it.

Wednesday – Hospital – BBC2 9pm

This has been hard watching over the last few weeks and this being the last in the series I expect nothing to change. It shows how hard our doctors and nurses are struggling but is the daily battle for beds that is the real story.

The big story is bed blocking on wards and the lack of intensive care beds. In one episode, St Marys had all 36 intensive beds full and people with life threaten operations waiting for a bed left leaving doctors cancelling urgent operations. Tonight we can expect more bed battles – but there is always a reminder what a wonderful NHS we have.

Thursday - This World: Russia’s Football Factory - BBC2 9pm

This should be interesting coming as I do from the late 70s/80s when hooliganism was rife and on show most everywhere. At the recent 2016, European Championships Russia hooligans led violent clashes between them and English supporters in France.

Many threats were made for the 2018 World Cup in Russia mainly towards the English supporters.

So filmmaker Alex Slockley von Statzer travels to Russia to investigate this new generation of ‘firms’ who are teetotal, physically fit, trained in martial arts. Like in the 1989 English made-for-television film ‘The Firm’ they planning a super firm and like the X factor are holding ‘auditions’ for new members in preparation for the event.

Friday – Bad Neighbours 2 – Sky Cinema Premiere 8pm

Picking up the story a couple of years after the events in the first movie, Mac and Kelly are trying to impress potential house buyers.

However, this clashes with the plans of a new partying sorority who move in next door, girls this time. There are a few old faces from the first outing.

They have to outwit the new sorority living next door in order to sell their house. I liked the first one I may like this one fingers crossed.

The Elephant Man - Film Review - I Cried

The recent death of John Hurt lead me to revisit the film “The Elephant Man” while I had not seen in a while. When I first viewed the film, it really upset me how cruel people could be in this world and with it being a true story of Joseph (John) Merrick, it just makes it feel worse.

Merrick was a horribly disfigured man who lived in Leicester before moving to London in the late 1800s, spending the majority of adult life in a freak show where he was brutalised. When Dr. Frederick Treves (Anthony Hopkins) come across Merrick he saw him purely as a medical exercise, but then develops deeper fondness for him discovers that Merrick is intelligent and can actually talk and read.

The Elephant Man is born with a disease that caused extreme enlargement of his skull, skin outgrowths, a uselessly overgrown right arm, and a mangled spine.

Treves secures a room in the London Hospital when Governor (John Gielgud) eventually agrees to make a room available to house and care for Merrick. He begins to have guests visit him in his room, as he becomes an object of curiosity to high society, including the famous actress Madge Kendal (Anne Bancroft) who introduces him to the work of Shakespeare. Some feel Merrick is continuing to be exploited, worst at night the hospital's night watchman is taking payment to show Merrick to members of the public.

When the board of governors look to rid the hospital of Merrick he was given the greatest support he could ask for, Queen Victoria, who sends word with her daughter-in-law Alexandra Princess of Wales with a message for the governors.

Bytes the owner of the freak show kidnapped Merrick, takes to Europe where later he escapes, and eventually makes his way home. Upon returning to London, he is harassed through Liverpool Street station by several young boys and accidentally knocks down a young girl. Merrick is chased, unmasked, and cornered by an angry mob.

He cries, "I am not an elephant! I am not an animal! I am a human being! I ... am ... a ... man!" before collapsing.

Reunited with Treves and the hospital he recovers some of his health, but is dying of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. On a trip to the theatre, he sits with the Princess of Wales to see Miss Kendal perform who afterwards, dedicates the performance to him. A proud Merrick receives a standing ovation from the audience.

Back at the hospital, he completes the church model he was building to the sounds of Adagio for Strings looking at a picture of a young boy sleeping. It was something he could not do and it was touching and moving the scene as he reduces the pile of pillows he needs to support is head to just one know what it would mean. It is ruddy heart breaking I remember welling up in the cinema the first time I saw the film – this morning I cried.

John Hurt performs admirably underneath a mountain of make-up, and projects emotion with physical gestures and through a monstrously disfigured face. It does not take long for Hurt's eyes to channel trauma, joy, pain, and longing. Hurt completely overcomes Merrick's deformation and releases the human within. A still svelte Anthony Hopkins gives a complex performance as Dr. Treves, a man who initially just sees in Merrick an opportunity to advance his status.

In the support roles, Freddie Jones, John Gielgud, Anne Bancroft, and Wendy Hiller provide serious depth to the outstanding cast.

If I Had a Time Machine ...

If I could have, five trips in a time machine there would be so much to see or do. One thing I would not want to do is change the timeline of the past so I wouldn’t be wasting a trip to kill Hitler before the rise of the Nazi party. What could happen if you were to change the timeline.

Neither would I mess with my timeline with all its difficulties much is I may like to. What if I would have turn that corner that day or time instead of walking straight on I could have changed my life for better or worse.

My first trip would be to meet Jesus. What if there was no Jesus to meet that would make the Bible the biggest con in the world and just another fairy-tale. However, if he was real I would like to be the 13th disciple, follow him, and listen to him.

I would like to meet one of history’s greatest figures but have been racking my brain just who I would like to meet because there are so many. In infant school, I was fascinated with Richard the Lionheart the ultimate warrior king in my eyes. The Ladybird book opposite is the reason and I like it was much I stole it from school. Don't he look every inch the warrior king.

Of course as a kid, I saw him through tinted coloured glasses because in later life I found out he was a bit of a bastard and mass murderer on his orders. Although we could have a bit of problem communicating as historians are on record as saying he could only speak French.

On the subject of butchery I would love to be a fly on the wall of the Battle of Thermopylae were the Spartans King Leonidas and his 300 Spartans were joined by 700 Thespians for the final battle where they were killed to a man. It was reputed the Persians army was 1million strong against the Greeks. While Leonidas and the 300 lived on in legend the poor Thespians, it was a case of who were they.

Next place/time to visit Wembley Stadium 1927 Cardiff City v Arsenal FA Cup final. What Cardiff City fan with a time machine wouldn’t stop off on the greatest day of the clubs history?

I would want the full experience not just turn up at the game travel to the game from Cardiff to soak up the atmosphere. On the plus side I would buy up a programmes or two for a bit of an investment.

Who would not nip into the future and load up with information to make your life richer financially. Not being too greedy I would only nip ten years into the past which should be far enough to fill my pockets.

It’s true that money won’t buy you happiness, but have you ever seen anyone who looks miserable while he’s getting a backrub by some bikini clad lovely on his new 100-million-dollar yacht? I could live with a bit of that.

Save The Last Dance For Me - Two Left Feet

I was never the dancer! I was more the boy/teenager happily leaning against the wall with a bottle of pop in hand happy and content building up to the possibility of finding the courage to make a move for the dance floor. It felt like going over the top in the trenches in World War I attempting to cross No Man’s Land to face the enemy guns and certain death or in this situation the dreaded brush off. I have felt that pain, the brush off not going over the top.

Certain death for your happy wall fly was to catch the eye of some girl think you are being beckoned on for a dance only someone else to beat you to her or she walk straight passed you leaving you stranded on the dancefloor. Leaving you to make out you were walking over to the other side of the floor a social situation more stressful and ripe for humiliation and embarrassment it is a minefield.

But the humiliation is nothing compared to the last dance ‘the slowie’ or ‘smoochy dance’ if you picked a girl your friends would think it was a declaration of love and future marriage as we tended to be so immature back then. Getting that last dance was full of dangers with boys/teenagers marking their territory and more than once, I have seen fights especially if there was a mix of boys from different parts of your estate or foreigners from outside the area.

The hot girls were always in demand and hotly fought over they rarely had a chance to sit down with demand the poor things leaving the wallflowers like me watching on. Remember the film Quadrophenia and Stings character ‘Ace Face’ king of the dance floor who would not want to be that cool. I was not.

Are but this is my memory I was toxic to dancing I was born with two left feet, which were ok in any other environment but not on the dance floor. However, I could just about get away with the old slowie but it is finding your partner is the thing. You could scout around for potential candidates and build up some dutch courage minus the alcohol and not looking to keen which I was told made you look desperate.

But occasionally! Well once I was lucky, one night and I got a yes. I still remember her, dulcet tones and the record. Thinking about it, I will not name her, but she pulled me saying, “Well ok then”, and the record was ‘Daydreamer’ David Cassidy. Of course, I would have cared if she had turned me down it was just good to get that last dance virginity out of the way like your first kiss and other milestones before reaching manhood. I could now stand back looking on enviously on the jammy bastards who had managed to score a dance with little effort knowing I did not care anymore.

Briefly, the last dance was about the chance of a date or a phone number but in the seventies home phones were not commonplace. It was tough dating back then with no mobile phones or internet but we did manage.