Success in 48 questions

I was reading the Daily Mail yesterday, yes, I do read it but would never buy it. Anyway its free to read on the internet. It is good to keep an eye on the nutty right-wing press as it keeps me on the right track.

 

So what as my back up this time? Reading about the 48 signs of success someone somewhere has come up with and that got me wondering how would I fair? That a quick glance I didn’t hold up much hope and I wasn’t disappointed.

1.Holiday home ... No, that was simple and I have a feeling the next 49 answered will be the same.

2.Children at public school ... No

3.A cleaner ... Well I could claim this, well what do you think. My wife is disabled and she has a 30 minutes of domestic (cleaning). Only the 30 minutes and we don’t pay so I feel we do have a cleaner.

4.A nanny ... No, but I would have liked one.

5.Shopping trips abroad ... I when to Amsterdam once but didn’t do any window shopping

6.Annual ski trips ... No

7.Children’s riding lessons ... No

8.Frequently flying first-class Y ... et to fly through the skies

9.Driveway longer than 200 yards ... Not applicable

10.Wine cellar ... Don’t like wine so no need for a wine cellar but I would like a bog standard cellar

11.Summer house ... No

12.Home gym ... No

13.Car just for weekends ... I don’t drive so no need for a car

14.Sit-on mower ... No, I have a concrete garden

15.Personal number plate ... See question 12

16.Golf membership ... No

17.Sailing weekends ... No

18.Orchard in the garden ... See question 14

19.Home cinema ... No, but would like one and a new home to fit it into please

20.An orangery ... Must google this

21.Electric garage doors ... See questions 12, 14

22.A wet room ... Yes again I have one of these only because I have a disabled wife

23.Designer luggage ... No holidays so no need for designer luggage

24.Going horseracing ... Never but been to football

25.Conservatory ... No

26.An Aga ... No

27.A TV larger than 55in ... God I feel ashamed … In receipt of benefits and only have a 32in TV

28. Eating lobster ... Don’t like shellfish

29. His and hers sinks ... No

30.Log burner ... No

31.TV in every room ... Again ashamed to say no

32.Member of a tennis club ... Why would I with me hating exercise?

33.Fridge with ice dispenser ... No maybe one day

34.400 thread count sheets ... ????? Back to google

35.Pedigree dog ... Dog hater

36.Wine cooler ... See question 10

37.Taking the dog to doggy day care ... See question 37

38.Taking the dog for treatments ... See questions 37, 39

39.Facebook page littered with holiday pictures ... No, I rarely holiday … never would be better

40.Golf handicap under 15 ... Not a member of a golf club but a mean player of crazy golf

41.Lazy Susan ... Haven’t got a clue but I bet I’m lazier than Susan

42.Picnic hamper ... Nope

43.Matching bathrobes ... Nope

44.Many gilets ... Haven’t got a clue

45.Cricket whites ... I have an off-white t-shirt

46.First name terms with the vicar ... No

47. First name terms with the pub landlord ... I don’t have a local

48.2,000 Twitter followers ... One day

Top 5 Christmas chart ... 1967

The chosen year I picked for this year’s blog is 1967 and here are the top five in the Christmas day chart.

1. Hello Goodbye - The Beatles



2. I'm Coming Home - Tom Jones



3. Magical Mystery Tour - The Beatles

4. If The Whole World Stopped Lovin` - Val Doonican

5. Something's Gotten hold of my heart - Gene Pitney









Christmas specials love them. Who's with me?

Some people hate them, but not me, so what are they, Christmas TV specials. From the minute it hits the shelves I scan the big fat Christmas Radio Times planning my holiday schedule like a military operation.

I can put up with a lot of crap on TV around this time of the year but top of my hate list are the soaps, EastEnders, Coronation Street and Emmerdale. Last Christmas Day all three took up a block of 3 hours of precious time in total. What a waste from 5:15pm until 9:30pm with the only break a 15-minute newsbreak if you watched the main two channels, BBC and ITV. I have to watch the soaps it was in my marriage contract with the wife whose life seems to revolve around them.

I hope that one day the TV companies will come around to the fact some would rather see some real family entertainment than the soaps. With the soaps, taking up prime family time there is little time to factor in other programmes that I would call good family entertainment. We need shows like the Generation Game or an all-star pantomime on Christmas Day. Last year the BBC won the Christmas Day ratings, no change there. The top show was Mrs Brown’s Boys Christmas Special with 9.5 million according to figures supplied to the public with top soap going to Coronation Street (ITV) – 7.9 million. The figures are way down on past Christmases mainly because there was less competition from a myriad of channels there are to choose from now.

Mike Yarwood

The most watched Christmas Day programme was Mike Yarwood's 1977 Christmas Show that tops the list of the most-watched Christmas programmes with 28 million. Yarwood marginally beat off Morecambe and Wise the same night also credited with a 28 million audience. The other three in the top five are Only Fools and Horses 1993 (19million), Wallace and Gromit - A Matter of Loaf and Death 2008 (15million) and Vicar of Dibley 2004 (12.52million) and all BBC shows just showing the dominance of the British Broadcasting Company in the Christmas schedule.

The highlight of my upcoming Christmas Day viewing will be Doctor Who, a good film with no commercial breaks and a laugh. It is always good to have a laugh it helps you unwind hopefully this year it won’t be Mrs Brown Boys as I find it totally unfunny.

The day Father Christmas die

You have to remember I am writing about the 1960s a time of true innocents for a young child. The story how I innocently found out that Father Christmas was not real didn’t destroy me neither was I traumatized it just made me wise up.

I may have been seven or eight when I found out or better still worked out the secret. Some of my friends may have already known but no one told me so maybe that is another secret keeping the truth secret. So how did I find out – easy really, it was down to carrier bags, it was that simple.

We would go shopping with Mum and Dad have a great time with that Christmas feeling in the town centre, all the lights, decorations and window displays. We were shopping and maybe a visit to Father Christmas and I never asked why I was sitting on Santa’s lap in the C&A store while in another shop some other kid was doing the same. I was just happy to get a photo and a toy.

We would go in and out of shops and at some point Mum with say wait has she would disappear coming back with a carrier bag. This would happen a few times before we would head home on the bus with Dad loaded down with shopping bags. When we were home, bags would disappear! If we came in with six, there would be four on the table if you mention it you would be fobbed off with some story.

I did scout around a little and try to find the disappearing shopping bags but they alluded me. However, I didn’t lose any sleep over it. Then one day the big cupboard on the landing upstairs door was a jar and on looking in there was Santa’s grotto staring me in the face. Some of the presents in there were already wrapped in Christmas paper with my name. Therefore, it was easy to conclude Father Christmas was my parents.

I don’t remember rushing out to tell the world and my friends that Santa was not real. I think I played along for a few years until Mum and Dad figured out I knew. I never told my brother or my sisters it was up to them to suss out the secret either way it was for them to find out for themselves.

All I want for Christmas

Christmas old school 'Newton Road'

I think I bought everything I wanted for Christmas. Yes, I leave nothing to chance and buy my own Christmas presents. The only person surprised about my presents will be the wife, as she will have no idea what she bought me.

I don’t like surprises, I never have! It may come from my childhood as I grew up and my sisters became more excited about Christmas. I found more pleasure out of watching them opening their presents then anything I would get. When I got married, it was the same with my kids. I wouldn’t care if I didn’t have a present, and have been known to be happy with just a pair of slippers and socks under the tree.

I reckon I save money by buying my own presents Glenys would probably not search for a bargain where I can spent days if not weeks in the search for the cheapest price.

I miss having young children running around my feet Christmas Day and the early morning excitement it will be a quiet day here.

Family news from Dugdale Towers



Not much as happen this year with the family. Glenys and I have reached 29 years of married life and we are still strong, well I think we are I can’t speak for the wife maybe she has other ideas.

Plenty has happened over the last 29 years with a lot of happy memories and some bad ones I would rather not remember. It will be our 30th Christmas and we have come a long way from our first when we were sitting in our flat, just the two of us. Actually, it is the only Christmas alone without our respective families and within a year, two became three with the birth of our son James in the following September.

Glen and I have been getting around a bit more and we even went on our first ever cinema date after nearly 30 years together and we had a lovely long overdue time. Glen had a scare with her leg but thankfully, everything turned out fine. I on the other hand have had no recurrence of the stomach ulcer, which nearly killed me before last Christmas so I am back on the menu of any roaming vampires now my blood levels are back to normal.

Has for our boys, James has moved abroad, ok just England and Bristol not a million miles away. He is happy with the switch and feels less pressure on him. Simon is at base command, his bedroom, with some ‘Deep Thought’ (reference to the computer in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy) computer while eking out a living with Royal Mail. Hey, it is his life and he is happy so what is it to do with me.

Big surprise is David still has a job with Ikea! They must like him or something. We still argue a lot mainly about money and his inability to keep it in his pockets for more than a few days after payday. Both Simon and David live at home and look unlikely to move out anytime soon although I threaten to kick David out regularly.

Fustration the best game ever

I believe the best board game ever was Frustration. It was an awesome game and better than any other game on the market giving loads of family fun. It was a regular on the Ugarte Christmas list.

It was so easy to play you didn’t need to read any rules just get on and play. It was about the only game I didn’t cheat on which was unusual for me. On the board, you have blue, yellow, green, and red sections and the game played up to four. In the middle is the novel idea of having a 'popping dice' in a clear plastic bubble. You push the bubble to flip the dice - which is fun! You go clockwise round the board in a circle and the game was over when you have your four counters home.

Another neat thing about the game was your counter would fit into a round sphere putting pay to accidental nudging of the board in hope of a sneaky cheating opportunity. If your counter were to land on another players counter, they would have to go back to the start and pop a six to restart. Is a fantastic game - not at all like "ludo" a similar game but boring?

Nice one Tesco

Had a bit of an annoying morning after trying to use my Tesco points they simply wouldn’t register at the checkout. After a few fruitless attempts, it was straight on the phone.

 

I was ready to give them a full on argument but was put off by the sweet and helpful lady manning the customer care phone. She confirmed what the website was telling me that the vouchers had already be cashed in, not by me.

 

It would seem some robbing toe rag access my account and used them to double the points and buy something nice at Goldsmiths the jewellers. What a liberty! After explaining it was not me, I pointed out it was not my normal shopping pattern. I only use my Tesco points at Christmas to offset my shopping at this time of the year, which I pointed out rigorously to the lady at the end of the phone.

 

Somehow, my email was used. I even had a conformation of the transaction but missed it due to the fact I have been using a new account. The vouchers were send to whoever via my email in coupon code and the toe rag deleted that email.

 

Must give credit where credit is due. The woman on the end of the phone was very helpful. After a number of talks to her supervisor, she came back with an offer that my vouchers would be re-issued.

Therefore, the toe rag has not spoiled this part of Christmas and a big thumbs up to the lady at Tesco’s.

Corny Christmas Film - Jingle All the Way (1996)

I love a corny Christmas film and I think this one hits all the right spots and some ham acting to boot. The film as a permanent presents in the worst 10 Christmas films EVER and it is easy to see why.

The critics really panned it when it was released. However, because it is so corny, I have grown to like it being a sucker for a Christmas film as I am. The story line is one lots of parents can relate to, finding that must have toy along with thousands of other desperate parents who may have left it a bit late. In this film the must have toy is the Turbo Man action figure while my nemesis when my boys were young was the WWF figures Hunk Hogan and the Undertaker, they were just impossible to find.

In the film, Arnold Schwarzenegger plays the main character and the Dad and that is where the ham-acting element comes into the film. He is just too busy and as little time for his family always working and late for family occasions. Reminded to pick up a Turbo Man figure months before Christmas and of course, he forgot, and now it’s Christmas Eve.

Every store is sold out of Turbo Man figures, now he as to undertake a mad dash all over town in his quest to find one. He picks up a rival in postman named Myron, also intent on finding the figure for his son. While the Schwarzenegger character is chasing down the toy, back at home the creepy neighbour is making a move on is wife.

I won’t spoil the end but if you like, a corny Christmas film or just fancy watching one of the worst Christmas films ever made this could be the one for you.

Christmas Eve Boxes

I have written before about our Christmas Eve tradition, which involves the delivery of a takeaway. However, when a friend told me about hers, I was immediately jealous and I wished I had young children so I could start this as a tradition with my kids.

I have never heard of a "Christmas Eve Box" before as a pre-Christmas treat for your kids. Although I have heard of opening, a small present on Christmas Eve an idea that never excited me as presents are for Christmas morning, and opened as a family.

After she had bathed her kids they were presented with a box containing new Christmas pyjamas, sweets, a DVD all Christmas related and a short bedtime story she had written. Maybe you could do one large box for all the family. I was surprised just how popular it was and you can even buy a box if you are too lazy to make your own. It must be an American thing because I have never come across it before and looks to be catching on this side of the pond.

Those ruddy twist ties

When our boys were young, Christmas was about toys not an envelope with cash. We would enjoy going shopping wandering around from shop to shop and visiting the likes of Toys-R-Us.

You could easy fill a shopping trolley up with goodies. The kids would be in school so it would be peaceful without the pressure of the kids shouting I want I want in your ears. I simply had to remember to buy toys for my kids not the ones I fancied myself. Like a racing car set. You could easily succumb to the pretty picture on the box and end up buying something you would need a degree to put together. When a simple figure of eight track would have done just as good.

However, when you are shopping you tend to forget the nightmares you had from previous Christmases. No, I’m not talking about forgetting the batteries; I would religiously remember to buy them for each battery-operated toy. I remember from when I was a kid the disappointment of having a toy with no batteries and I am from a time of windup toys. Back then, shops were closed until after Boxing Day, longer if Christmas fell around Saturday or Sunday. Talking of batteries, would you wrap them up and give them as a present! I just remember having the discussion.

Come Christmas morning and the boys would be hurriedly opening their stuff up something would stop them in their tracks. Those little plastic twirley things that hold kids toys in the box. They must use some kind of twisting machine they are so tight my fingers where known to go red raw untwisting these poxy things. Sometimes they were so tight you couldn’t even get scissors in between to cut it off. Maybe I should have invested in a pair of wire cutters.

When you have three boys all wanting their turn to get at their toys it can become a bit of a nightmare and its never just one tie it could be has many as ten or more. It would depends on the size of the toy and moving parts. Those days have long gone now I rarely come up against my mortal enemy the damn twisted ties.

Those ruddy twist ties

When our boys were young, Christmas was about toys not an envelope with cash. We would enjoy going shopping wandering around from shop to shop and visiting the likes of Toys-R-Us.

You could easy fill a shopping trolley up with goodies. The kids would be in school so it would be peaceful without the pressure of the kids shouting I want I want in your ears. I simply had to remember to buy toys for my kids not the ones I fancied myself. Like a racing car set. You could easily succumb to the pretty picture on the box and end up buying something you would need a degree to put together. When a simple figure of eight track would have done just as good.

However, when you are shopping you tend to forget the nightmares you had from previous Christmases. No, I’m not talking about forgetting the batteries; I would religiously remember to buy them for each battery-operated toy. I remember from when I was a kid the disappointment of having a toy with no batteries and I am from a time of windup toys. Back then, shops were closed until after Boxing Day, longer if Christmas fell around Saturday or Sunday. Talking of batteries, would you wrap them up and give them as a present! I just remember having the discussion.

Come Christmas morning and the boys would be hurriedly opening their stuff up something would stop them in their tracks. Those little plastic twirley things that hold kids toys in the box. They must use some kind of twisting machine they are so tight my fingers where known to go red raw untwisting these poxy things. Sometimes they were so tight you couldn’t even get scissors in between to cut it off. Maybe I should have invested in a pair of wire cutters.

When you have three boys all wanting their turn to get at their toys it can become a bit of a nightmare and its never just one tie it could be has many as ten or more. It would depends on the size of the toy and moving parts. Those days have long gone now I rarely come up against my mortal enemy the damn twisted ties.

A hated Christmas present

Mum was easy to please at Christmas when I was a kid. She hated presents of any kind no matter what the occasion. Therefore, no racking ones brain thinking what to buy her as a presents.

What do you buy someone who wants nothing? Just one thing would please her and that was a ‘Woodbine Cigarette Christmas Box’. You could buy 40s, 50s, or the deluxe box of 100, which really sickens, but those were the days. In later life she relented somewhat and you could buy her something to wear as long as it was black or dark blue, Mum hated wearing bright colours.

Seeing the way mum died of the big ‘C’ it pains me to remember this and the thought of our present in some way hastened her passing by one second. I cannot remember mum and dad receiving any presents except those us kids bought them maybe that is why I am like I am.