No mayo, please

Why do shop bought sandwiches have mayo instead of butter or margarine?

Trying to find a shop bought sandwich without mayo these days is a nightmare, the non-mayo sandwich has become a bit of a rarity. In supermarkets there is just the odd one line, normally ham and if you are lucky a chicken sarnie option.

Who made mayo the new margarine/butter? I can remember a time when a mayo in a sandwich was as rare as a dodo and they are extinct. However, unlikely the dodo the mayo sandwich is every much here. In some boardroom, somewhere a decision was made to make my life hell and turn me into a hunter for my favourite lunchtime snack. It must be down to price with a 10ltr tub of mayo, £12.99, a lot cheaper than margarine and butter so you can see how the moneymen and buyers were thinking of the profit line.

I am pretty safe in my hometown but if I were to go abroad, say the next town or city I would be stumped and probably in a land of mayo sarnies.

If mayo was so popular, why do the non-mayo sandwiches sell out so quickly? Tesco for instants today all the non-mayo sold out but there were acres of the mayo ones left most of which can be picked up for less than half price before the shop closes later today.

As for outside the big stores in the likes of Greggs and other chain bakeries mayo is king. Everywhere you look you can see the stuff oozing out from all kinds of sandwiches and baguettes and god behold if you ask if they have any without you get the look that makes you feel like a mass murderer. If you ask if you can make up one they will happily say ok until you say no mayo and all of sudden the whole atmosphere changes. It now becomes a chore and nine times out of ten, there is no margarine.

Moreover, what has happened to corner shops? The ones around by me are all mayo, no choice. If I don’t have the makings for a sandwich at home, I am now stuck.

In Cardiff thank god for Brutons the bakers, a bastion for the non-mayo sandwich fan with a good choice offer and willing to make one if they sold out. In addition, Cardiff market is another place at welcomes the mayo haters with an abundance of sandwiches to choose from and fillings. There are small sandwich shops that make you up a sarnie and will offer you the option of either and any other spread they may have.

My TV guilty pleasure

I enjoy watching TV and watch a lot. When I was a kid the radio was always on in the background in our house and today it’s the same with the television. I may not be watching it as I type this but Gold Rush is on so you could say I am semi watching it, cherry picking what interests me as I write.

I like so many random shows, a real diverse bunch, covering many different subject’s with the only criteria being I must feel entertained. Nevertheless, there are shows that my friends would think I would never watch but secretly I would. Normally I am all blood and guts, zombie and vampire so these three examples sound way off my radar.

Sunday entertainment

Countryfile, yes there is nothing better than spending an hour on a Sunday evening in the company of the country loving folk. Danny Dyer, known for years as a "hardman" actor, has admitted he is also a fan of Countryfile and we are not alone with the BBC show attracting healthy viewing figures for years. I am that old I can remember when it was broadcast on a Sunday afternoon.

I don’t know why I like the show because I’m not a fan of farm animals and never wanted to be a farmer, it’s beyond me. Maybe the countryside itself attracts my interest and stories about rural living. I would like to live in a village but it would need a pub, shop/post office, a takeaway, a good transport link and most important … top notch broadband.

I watch this in a darkened room with the door locked

I am a sucker for reality shows and wait for it …. a closet fan of the Real Housewives franchise. Yes I am out but not proud but the pure voyeurism is ruddy addictive.

Looking into the wealthy lives of these housewives, as they shop, get boob jobs, other plastic surgery, gossip, fight and live lavishly with their joke families were the husbands are treated as banks. They are all worried about losing their life styles than their husbands and have laws on standby just in case.

Never happen again

The internet is awash with old stuff from my childhood that today would not be suffered lightly by the PC brigade. Like Love thy Neighbour deem politically incorrect and a guilty pleasure now. For those who never her of the sitcom it dates back to 1972 until the late 70s.

The two main characters is socialist Eddie Booth is outraged to discover that his new neighbour, Bill Reynolds, is black, and a Tory. The racially motivated antagonism between them was stretched out into eight series and a feature film, while their wives struggled to create harmony.

You won't see this repeated on TV in this day and age

Voting Dilemma

My postal vote for the up-coming European elections in a few weeks has arrived and it’s given me a bit of a dilemma. Ever since this country joined the European Union in 1973, I have never fully accepted the whole European Union thing. I suppose back in 73 it was strange for a 13-year-old to have an interest in politics but I did. I enjoyed such programmes as Panorama and Week in Week Out giving me a strong interest in politics and social justice for the people of this country.

The only way I knew who mum and dad were voting for was by the poster in the window, we never talked politics in the house, nor with my friends whose only interest was in the free balloons and stickers election time. I knew I was a Socialist and the Labour party was my home but always had moderate views, which I still hold today.

However, on some highly motivated subjects I can be more right wing than Genghis Khan, which are hard to come to terms with being a socialist sometimes.

I think you can tell where this is going! As no party is giving me what I want but UKIP, yes UKIP who are offering a straight pull out option. So technically my only options with my strong beliefs is to vote UKIP to leave the European Union. It’s the best way to register a vote to show the main parties to wake up and listen, a protest vote. I always vote and see it as my duty as a British citizen, if you don’t then you have no right to complain about Government or local government plans if you don’t agree with them.

I could spoil my vote but I don’t see the point. It you don’t vote your vote is still counted as it is believed you are content with the status-quo. The Tories have a wishy-washy option to offer a referendum, which they may or may not call for and anyway I could never put my mark against a Tory.

The dilemma is can I vote for UKIP on this vote only and still feel clean. There are eleven parties to choose from in my area but most are from either the far right or left and I put UKIP in the far right side of the fence.

Update … I have made my mark, my vote is ready to post, and in the end, I decided not to vote UKIP but Labour it was really a last minute thing. I still want out of Europe but will have to wait for a simply yes or no vote if there is ever one.

To late but three points would be nice

Cardiff City play Chelsea this Sunday the last Premier League game for how long who knows, but a return is needed sooner rather than later. It would be nice to end the season a win an especially at Cardiff City stadium they for been few and far between this season.

The first home game of the season was a fantastic opening win over champions elect Manchester City 3-2, a bit of a false dawn in reality seeing how the season panned out for the Bluebirds. Chelsea season end on a bit of a downer but nowhere is critical has the Bluebirds.

While Cardiff wave goodbye to the Premier League the Londoners can bask in their disappointment of finishing third, possibly second if they win Sunday and Liverpool lose, what a disappointing season for them. Its Premiership and Champions League football for them next season while we can only dream of a quick promotion.

The pundits and other fans didn’t like the Chelsea way but look where they will finish. I can only wish we could have parked a couple of buses a few times maybe we could have survived. However, without the ability to score enough goals it would have been for nothing. The other downer about the fixture is the potential for trouble with reports local police will be out in force Saturday night and Sunday before and after the game. Hopefully the game will go ahead without any trouble.

Eurovision ... Love it or Hate it

Hooray, the Eurovision Song Contest is back on our screens with the cheesy songs, tacky outfits, outrageous performers, and as for some of the dance routines ‘can you be serious’, but I love it .

 

I'm not a fan of the semi-finals part of the progress but they are needed because there are just too many countries to have them all on the main night. It would be a big deal in our house growing up, still with me today. Maybe the wife’s interest will be sparked a little but there will be absolutely no interest from my boys, so no party night here unless I fork out for a family takeaway, not happening.

 

As a youngster, we would sit around as a family watching the TV ready to pick our winner after hearing the songs, no previews back then. My patriotic leanings meant I would always be in the corner of the UK no matter the song but always have a reserve just in case. You couldn’t always depend on a British competitor. It was the same with beauty contest like Miss UK or Miss World before the feminist and PC brigade high profile campaign to rid TV of this cattle market as they called it. However, as a family we enjoyed both of the final nights

 

Our Molly

I have not checked out the songs for this year show having decided to go old school to hear them for the first time on the night. I have heard the UK entrant song, and from reports has been well received by the people in the know and it shows in the betting odds now third favourite to win. That is until the voting kicks in Saturday and the old comrades packed comes into play. In recent years, a succession of well-established UK acts have failed to set the Eurovision scoreboard alight. Therefore, this time they are throwing in a complete unknown to the majority of the British public, Molly Smitten-Downes. The singer is currently third favourite to win on Saturday with her power balled Children of the Universe.

 

If the music is not to your taste then the comedy show that is the voting will get you going, hopping mad more likely and generating a lot of heated discussion.

 

Rumour has it Australia could be entering the competition in 2015. Can it still be the Eurovision Song Contest? The organisers invited an Australian singer Jessica Mauboy to sing at the semi-final interval, the first time the honour had been given to a country outside Europe. The whole Eurovision thing is highly popular in Australia pulling in a large TV audience.

 

Every year there is something controversial ahead of the final broadcast, it could be countries or some singer/group this year there is a bit of both. With Russia parked on the border with the Ukraine and war on the cards, the normal eastern bloc voting packed could be broken. These two regularly give each other high marks and have both reached the final, should be interesting. Maybe Ukraine will give Russia ’12 points’ hoping it will reduce tensions between the two. Could Russia be the new UK? After the Iraqi war, there seemed to be a major drop in support from other countries who would normally give votes to the UK. Since the year of the war in 2003, the votes for the UK have somewhat disappeared. That year the UK entrant, Jemini failed to register a single vote.

The bearded one

 

This years most talked about competitor is Austria’s entry, Conchita Wurst, see photo for why. Drag/Cross-dressing is nothing new to Eurovision or particularly controversial has a transsexual singer from Israel won the competition in 1998. I have to say the beard I find a bit off putting but hey, it’s nothing to do with me. Although some groups have called for the performance to be censored one Russian politician, Vitaly Milonov described Eurovision as a ‘Europe-wide gay parade’.

 

The whole show kicks off tomorrow at 8pm with a finishing time of 11:25pm but I normally runs over a bit. Graham Norton will be on hand to keep us company with his trademark dry humour and his observations.

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Comic memory

Saw a news report this morning about comics that got my memory juices overflowing which is no means feat these days, as my youth seems to be more important to me than ever before.

Desperate Dan

I was a big fan of most boys own comics the like of The Valiant, The Victor and others, anything surrounding war got my attention. However, mum put an order with the local shop for two comics more suitable for a young mind. I got the Beezer and the Topper while my brother got the Beano and Danny. I never knew why we had which one but that’s the way it was but we were always willing to share.

I lucked out with my comics the Beano and Dandy had some of my favourite characters, in the Danny was Desperate Dan one of my all-time favourites. I never had a cow pie well I suppose I have but never with two horns sticking out of the pie and a tail dangling out of the side. The Beano was stacked with ionic characters that I like such as Dennis the Menace, Minnie the Minx, The Bash Street Kids, Roger the Dodger, Billy Whizz and General Jumbo who I fantasised about being has a kid.

General Peter in my dreams

Alfie (Jumbo) Johnson, age 13, oh how I dreamt of being him and a general of a whole miniature army. It was not just any old army, I had many tiny soldiers but his were remote controlled, they could shoot tiny bullets and he also controlled ships and aircraft along with soldiers and vehicles such as tanks.

He controlled his troops with a wrist-mounted radio control panel and when we were in Woolworths (advertised has the shop that sold everything) I would always keep an eye out for one of the wrist controls maybe that is what I needed for my soldiers. The innocents of a childhood in the days of wind-up toys. I would also need a professor like Jumbo. He would make the models and new upgrades and like Jumbo, I would be the scourge of local small-time crooks and bullies.

Relegation … Been there got the T-shirt

The face of relegation

Honestly, I am not shocked with relegation I always knew it was on the cards but I wish it wasn’t.

It’s tough on teams coming up from the Championship into the Premier League has records from previous seasons show most will find themselves rooted in the bottom half of the League table. Of the three teams promoted last season only Cardiff are returning to the Championship after going up as champions. Hull and Crystal Palace live to fight another season with the big boys but chances are they will be struggling along with todays promoted teams next season.

Cardiff City fans haven’t had to stomach the heartache of relegation since the 1999/2000 season. There was a few similarities with that season and this, two managers, Frank Burrows/Billy Ayre back then. In addition, there was a shocking inability to score goals back then with Jason Bowen, top scorer with 12-league goals while this season Jordon Mutch is leading the league goal tally with a meagre seven with a game to go.

We were just not good enough this time and it’s not worth throwing blame about its time to suck it up and think about next season. We will be red next season unless we get a new owner who can understand football, its fans, and history. The best protest is to wear blue and boycott the red merchandise letting Tan feel the pain in the balance book. Fans will be thinking what if, Malky stayed, if we beat them, got a point there, but that’s all history now the future is next season and what we need to concentrate on. Will Tan up sticks and leave us in a financial mess? Do I care! no really with or without in Cardiff will always live on.

Could be one of the more interesting in summers. We could see some major changes to the present squad as the wage bill could come into play with the club looking to reduce it.

We collect £26million in parachute payment but not a patch on the £60million+ in TV rights, the club collected this season. What kind of transfer fund will be made available to Solskjaer who is expected to be manager for the first game back in the Championship? With promotion, by no means guaranteed next season Cardiff are in for a tough campaign along with Fulham and Norwich likely to be third candidates.

The bookies and football pundits are likely to make the three favourites to go straight back up to the premiership but its not that easy.

Norton v Carr and Ross

Just seen an ad for Graham Norton Show tonight and can’t wait it looks fun. It must be the best talk show on TV compared with the competition.

He always seems to have the better guests like tonight he has Hugh Jackman, James McAvoy, and Michael Fassbender the stars of the new X-Man film. The music might be weak this week with the UK hopeful for the Eurovision Song Contest but still an ace line-up.

The Friday night competition from channel Fours Chatty Man with Alan Carr I by book the most annoying chat show presenter in the UK. Is normal line up on the coach is Z listers and TV reality stars, if you can call them stars.

His show tonight consist of Paloma Faith, who chats and sings Only Love Can Hurt Like This, chef Heston Blumenthal and comedians: Frank Skinner and Cardinal Burns whoever the hell he is or what. Anyway, I don’t do religion. Jonathan Ross and his ITV show normally gets Norton’s leftovers and he was better on the BBC anyway.

I no which one I will be viewing today.

Last chance saloon for the Bluebirds

Cardiff City fans make another trip to the North East to visit Sunderland’s neighbours and rivals Newcastle. Travelling fans can have a bit of a lie in with a more respectable kick-off time of 3pm compared with mid-day last weekend.

 

It’s not impossible for Cardiff to escape relegation if they beat Newcastle tomorrow and Chelsea the following weekend at the Cardiff City stadium. Six points would see Cardiff safe. Even three points could work if Sunderland and Norwich were to lose their final games. It all depends on other results going our way making it not a happy place for any fan to be.

 

The current form of both teams (last six games) shows Cardiff have managed 5 points compared to Newcastle who have failed to register a single point.

 

A good omen for this critical clash for the Welshman while Newcastle bask in mid-table security. They might be safe for another season in the Premier League but the fans are not happy with the owner and manager, sounds familiar but for the manager bit. They, the fans, plan to protest during the game tomorrow with a mass walkout on the 60th minute while Cardiff fans are expected to hold their ongoing protest on the 19:27 minute with the ‘We will always be BLUE’ chant. Be interested to see if it happens, with the walkout.

 

That is the politics out of the way so what about team news. Well there has been no reported problems leaving Cardiff boss Ole Gunnar Solskjaer plenty of options. Of course that doesn’t include the Spaniard Juan Cala who was charged with improper conduct by the FA following the red card that he received at Sunderland. It would seem that relegation or not Solskjaer would be the manager of the Bluebirds next season.

 

Meanwhile at Newcastle manager Alan Pardew will have striker Luuk de Jong available for the Cardiff clash.

Porn for Trees

Classy

A story I came across today in the press gave me a chuckle. The article was regarding Pornhub, for those who don’t know what it is; it’s a pornography internet-streaming site.

In America, ‘Arbor Day’ is a national holiday that I have never heard of before. After some quick research, it showed it was a day that encourages people to plant and care for trees. The stunt from Pornhub, entitled “Pornhub Gives America Wood” is announcing that it will plant a new tree for every 100 videos viewed has been running since April 25th and has produced more than 13,000 trees. 13,000!

It only seems fair Pornhub have come up with this initiative seeing has the site is responsible for the decimation of a great number of trees with the amount of tissue paper used by their clientele.

In a statement they said, "This Arbor Day Pornhub will do what it does best and give America some serious wood by donating 1 tree for ever 100 videos viewed in our Big Dick category. The more videos that are viewed, the more trees we will plant!”

Out with the old in with the new

Bye

Shocked horror and pretty upset to find one of my regular takeaway destination the Canton Chinese Delight has picked up a very low grade Food Hygiene Rating. We only had a delivery from there only a few weeks ago and you never think to ask for their hygiene rating, would they tell you if it was poor.

At least it was not a ‘0 rating’ but it wasn’t the top rating of five either which I would expect. However, the rating of one is just not good enough and until they hit four or five they have lost my business. The rating was given in March of this year and until they get it sorted, I will be

looking elsewhere for my Chinese treat.

The handy Food Hygiene website proved helpful in finding a new takeaway, The New Champagne with a five rating and a home delivery service. From now on if, your business doesn’t have a four and above rating, I just won’t be eating there. It was also nice to find out our pub The Sand Martin also had the top rating.

You can check your favourite takeaway by clicking the link below

Food Hygiene website

Oops ... i didn mean to post that

One click away from a nightmare

Why do porn sites have a "Share to Facebook" button and others?

Who in their right mind are going to watch porn and thinks, "You know who'd really enjoy this? My family and friends."

What if you were to accidentally click the share button with Facebook, how embarrassing would that be and how would you explain that away.

The reason for the interest is it happen to me earlier. No, it wasn’t me hitting the share button but a Facebook acquaintance. When it appeared on his timeline, he got a shipload of shit thrown his way from his friends list. He took it down fifteen minutes later claiming he had no idea how it got there. He blamed being hacked to little avail, as few believed him; he was literally caught with his pants down.

I don’t believe he did it deliberately, but it cost him a number of unfriends, and a ban from Facebook.