One, Two, Three - Film Review - Hilarious

For any film buff if you mention actor James Cagney's name, immediately you image gangster films or maybe Yankee Doodle Dandy. While it is true, he could play the tough or the song and dance man he had the ability to play comedic characters. (Who can forget his film-stealing role as the tyrannical Captain in Mister Roberts)?

One such comedic film that highlights his comedy talent, was Billy Wilder's ‘One, Two, Three’. Made in 1961, it shows us a 62-year-old Cagney still at the top of his game 30 years after he became a star.

Set in a post war Germany, the film is a fast, frantic, romantic, hilarious farce set against the non-too funny backdrop of the Cold War. Cagney plays MacNamara, a tough-talking Middle Management executive for Coca-Cola trying to secure the Coca-Cola rights on the eastern side of the Iron Curtain. He hates Communists, hates Fascists, and loves his work. He is short tempered, sharp tongued and quick witted.

He has two women in his life his wife Phyllis and his yummy blonde and easily corruptible secretary Ingeborg. His organised yet double life is thrown into turmoil when his bosses’ 17 year old yet wild insatiable daughter Scarlett (Pamela Tiffin) arrives with the bosses strict instructions to 'look after her'. Instead of staying for the intended two weeks, she stays for two months and appears to have successfully curtailed her wayward lifestyle, until one night she fails to return to the MacNamara home, frantic with worry for her safety and mostly for his job; he is desperate to find her.

His Driver finally admits that since her arrival in Germany she had been crossing over into East Germany every night has been visiting her boyfriend card-carrying communist called Otto (Horst Buchholz). Knowing that this will be the final nail in his Coca-Cola coffin if his boss ever finds out, MacNamara proceeds to concoct a plan to have Otto incarcerated in the East by having him arrested for being an American Spy.

MacNamara pleased with his handy work returns home to find out that Scarlett is ‘married’ and in the 'family way' with Otto's baby, now he must get Otto Back from the clutches of the East German forces, and pass him of as a blue-blooded, non commie capitalist entrepreneur.

The friction between Cagney and Buchholz on camera is brilliant. While all this is going on Cagney’s character as to deal with East German officials looking to do the Coca-Cola deal but they seem more interested in Ingeborg.

Red Buttons makes an early movie appearance as an American MP and steals his scene by doing an impersonation of Cagney circa 1931 right in the face of Cagney circa 1961, which even though his back is to camera you can tell Cagney is cracking up though forever the professional, he gathers his composure well enough to complete the scene.

There is also a blink-and-you'll-miss it in-joke where Cagney threatens to hurl a half grapefruit in Buchholz face in homage to the memorable scene he did 30 years before with Mae Clarke in The Public Enemy.

From the opening titles, the pace of this movie is set with the fast-paced. Cagney refuses to let the film slow down either from the moment he first appears on screen he shows more vitality and energy than the rest of the cast combined and still moves with the agility of someone half his age.

The Bride, The Commie, The Yankee

I love this movie and is a perfect example of a sixties screwball sex-farce, typical Wilder, but a role a little different from Cagney was used to playing, but he rose to the challenge perfectly. It was to be another 20 years before Cagney made another Movie, but hell; he needed a long rest after giving it his all in this film.

In the time of remakes this film can never be remade as it is too racially and politically intolerant for today's politically correct audiences to digest with comfort, which doesn't really upset me as the performances is this movie could never be bettered. The film is on YouTube to be viewed

Must see TV - Week beginning 16/09/2017 - My Choice...

Last week there was little to excite me on the tele it was dead with not much happening so I reverted to recommending upcoming films to fill the gap but low and behold this week it’s all changed, TV is back. There are a good number of new series on offer but not all are recommended here.

I still have not made my mind up about Netflix but I was thinking why not wait until Christmas using the free month to check it out. Then I could decide is it worth adding to my TV package. It would be a good compromise I believe their Christmas specials are really good on Netflix.

Saturday – BBC 4 – Black Lake 9pm **New Series** subtitled

Sinister events engulf young and ambitious Johan and his friends when they visit the abandoned Black Lake ski resort, the scene of a horrific crime. Remote and neglected, Black Lake has been closed for years. Johan invites his friends there on a test trip, with the idea of reopening the resort. They are soon gripped by a series of disturbing experiences.

On the very first night, Johan's girlfriend, Hanne, is woken by a sickening thudding noise coming from the cellar. The landlord refuses to let them investigate. It turns out the resort was closed after a family were found dead, strangled. One by one, members of the group wake with bloodshot eyes following nightmares of being strangled. With fear and danger spiralling, Hanne becomes convinced that supernatural forces wish them ill. Who can be trusted? Who will survive?

Sunday – Channel 4 – Electric Dreams 9pm **New Series**

The Hood Maker: Sometime in the future a meteor shower that fried communications, energy conversion and the internet. But it also created the Teeps a race with the power of telepathy that are feared and revered in equal measure.

Teeps are treated like second-class citizens, subjugated, and kept at arm’s length by the Normals. Nobody likes to know that their inner thoughts can be read and so civil unrest between Teeps and Normals is growing.

This combustible situation is exacerbated by the Anti-Immunity Bill, which gives government Clearance Agents the right to use Teeps to invade people’s thoughts without their consent and take away their sanctity of secrets.

Tensions escalate beyond resolve when a new weapon to be used in the fight against the Teeps is unveiled: the Hood. Each hood gives the wearer the ability to block the Teeps power and cripple the Teep network.

The very existence of this Hood will bring an all-out war between Teeps and Normals that neither race will survive. Humanities only hope is Clearance Agent Ross and a Teep called Honor who are forced to work together to hunt down the Hood Maker and ease tensions between Teeps and Normals before it is too late.

Never before have had a Teep and Normal worked together in such close proximity. Ross and Honor will have to put their own feelings aside, work together, trust each other and find the Hood Maker before the war between Teeps and Normals rips humanity apart.

Monday – BBC 2 – W1A 10pm **New Series**

The award-winning satire set in the BBC returns with a six-episode run. At a critical time for the broadcaster, the Renewal group, under Head of Values Ian Fletcher (Hugh Bonneville) former Head of the Olympic Deliverance Commission as the task of figuring out what the Beeb does best. Cameras follow Ian and his team during the Charter Renewal, reacting to the BBC’s new mission statement of doing more for less.

BBC Studios produce the comedy. Also starring Jessica Hynes, Sarah Parish, Jason Watkins, Monica Dolan, and Nina Sosanya this is likely to be another hit with the viewing public.

Tuesday – Discovery Channel – Gold Divers **New EP**

Sorry again for dragging up Gold Divers but I love the show and marvel at these divers going under the ice in search of gold.

The gold is at the Bluff and a war is in full swing with Mr Gold (Shawn Pomrenke) and the Kelly family who are creeping closer to Mr Gold’s operation having followed him to the Bluff. Shawn plans to kill off the Kelly’s operation with his financial muscle, buying the Kelly's rented equipment out from under them.

While Kris Kelly figures out how to keep the family operation running, Shawn dives and hits a paystreak. Over at Hastings Creek, the ice begins to break up, forcing Zeke to look for a new target and it is the Bluff, and soon his former gold partner Emily will join him with her operation after she asked Shawn's permission to move out to the Bluff.

Wednesday – Dave – Porters 10pm **New Series**

The BBC recently aired a drama called Trust Me about a nurse who pretends to be a doctor now Channel 4 has come up with comedy with a new porter mistaken for a doctor. When newbie hospital porter Simon arrives for work on his first day, he stands out like a sore thumb. Because to the great amusement of his mentors Frankie and Tillman, he thinks portering is just a stepping-stone to his true calling in life - being a doctor.

However, a mix-up with a dead Rabbi means Simon is forced to impersonate a real doctor and somehow escape the suspicious scrutiny of a visiting consultant neurologist. Starring Ed Easton, Rutger Hauer, and even starring guest Kelsey Grammer I am looking forward to it.

Thursday – Sky 1 – The Russell Howard Hour 10pm **New Series**

I am a big fan of Russell Howard and his former BBC2 show and now after jumping round channels he has landed on Sky 1. Fresh from his biggest-ever international stand-up tour, Russell promises his new series will be exciting and an open show for fresh new talent.

There will be celebrity Guests and leading experts while he mocks the week’s news and current affairs – in his own inimitable way over 14 episodes he'll be picking through offering a wise and wordly view on the globe's news.

Friday – BBC 1 – Celebrity MasterChef (Final) 8:30pm **Final EP**

So its final time having whittled the twenty celebrities down to the final three, and tonight one will be crowned champion. Only two challenges stand between them and the title. Probably the most daunting of the challenges is the – The Chef’s Table – where the three need to impress some of the top chef’s in the country.

Then it is back to the MasterChef Kitchen to cook a three-course meal for presenters John Torode and Gregg Wallace before they decide upon the winner.

Hammer Film Posters

I love film posters in particular from the sixties, seventies, and today I checked out some of the fantastic Hammer film studio posters. I love the artwork, recently I bought a few of my favourites, and just need to have them framed.

While the posters would have been considered risqué normally featuring a semi-clad woman, now, they are looked on has cheeky illustrations almost innocent to modern viewers - saucy and suggestive. I remember reading that "Tit and fang" could sell any film but I liked them because I like the art style, as I am a big fan of tasteless art from this era especially film posters.

Hammer posters were wilfully chaotic, crowded with cartoon-like figures and with typefaces designed to replicate dribbling blood or unspecified ooze. The taglines were appalling and brilliant: "Beware the beat of the cloth-wrapped feet!" shrieked the poster for The Mummy's Shroud, while Taste the Blood of Dracula exhorted viewers to "Drink a Pint of Blood a Day!”

Like the films they depicted, the posters' cartoonish style often masked some seriously explicit imagery. Extraordinary the posters on most occasions were commissioned before the films the studios would use them as marketing tools to lure investment. Also, once the money was banked the poster would be used to advertise the upcoming release.

An early poster for Dr Jekyll and Sister Hyde has girls in tight jeans and T-shirts being murdered in the streets. It was only later that someone pointed out actually the film was set in the late 19th century."

The company made more than 200 films, including The Quatermass Xperiment, The Curse of Frankenstein, The Mummy, The Devil Rides Out, and The Vampire Lovers. Hammer made international stars of its leading men, Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee. Raquel Welch created an iconic image by squeezing into a fur bikini for the sci-fi extravaganza One Million Years BC and the men of the world hold heartily thank you Hammer for the image.

While Hammer films were popular with cinemagoers the film left most critics with a bad taste and a strong dislike and were panned. More than one critic sighted the posters of mesmerising the public and dragging them off the street. In America, the films were normally shown as a double bill and were very popular at drive-ins.

I thing everyone should have a favourite Hammer film from the horror gene and no surprise my favourite is the lesbian sage of The Vampire Lovers Ingrid Pitt.

In the Seventies the death nail was sounded for Hammer Horror films with the likes of The Exorcist, I would say killed Hammer and even the advertising poster became more sophisticated with no more cleavage! This new film were selling horror, scary horror.

I am Not Fat I Have Been Super-Sized

Obesity is the word on a lot of peoples mind only reading the newspapers earlier the debate is high on the agenda. Today can obesity be healthy? The experts say, no we are a pie away from a heart attack something not to look forward to a possible early death.

 

I don’t really eat that much which no one believes I just eat stuff regarded to be bad food. Being super-sized as brought a number of issues my knees are shot but x-rays can’t find anything wrong and I have high blood pressure and diabetes all control with umpteen tablets.

I need this diet to work because I would hate to pop my clogs before the final season of Game of Thrones. My very own fat could do me in.

My weight gain stems from the late seventies when I had a major mental break down and I began comfit eating which over the years have become a recurring problem. I grew bigger and bigger until yesterday.

Problem with dieting and me is I am a fussy eater most of which comes from the naughty shelf. One minute some researcher will tell you it is ok to eat white bread the next day brown is best how can you make the right life choices. I am not a club joiner so I have no plans to join ‘Weight Watchers’ and other such groups I will have to motivate myself. And I will definitely not be joining a gym.

I am a couch potato I suppose I much prefer sitting in front of a computer and blank exercise. Actually, I will have to get off my bottom, exercise, and get sweaty but I like the idea of walking. I have picked a route and have downloaded a steps app. The mere thought of exercise as wore me out.

Thing is I have never smoked and rarely drink these days I supposed laying off the junk and eat more healthy will help me. I am starting to ditch processed food for more homemade meals.

I’ll admit I’ve put on a few extra pounds, maybe more in the wrong places lately, but I was hoping no one would notice. And if they did, I was hoping they would be too polite to mention it and they usually don’t. There is no vanity reason for this diet attempt if I lose the weight I will be left with folds of skin not a pretty sight and with no guarantee of a operation on the NHS to remove excess skin.

Of course, it’s not as if I don’t know better and I have thrown snacking out of the door. No chocolate, sweeties, or crisps more fruit. Maybe I should skip that dessert after dinner wait a minute I never have dessert and thinking about it, I am not a fan of breakfast. I have a breakfast date in the morning so maybe I should swap my Full English for something a bit healthier or perhaps not.

No more fried foods but I use the light fry stuff that should bring in a few brownie points the same with butter/margarine we only use low calorie and I am back on brown bread. All I have to do is stick with it, downsize what goes on my plate, and feel happy about it.

I know all the excuses for not giving a diet the go it deserves but I really need this one to work for all the right reasons. The thought of death by obesity is not a pleasant one, though, especially since it’s preventable. I started yesterday. Maybe someone will come along with a magic pill to make people lose weight for real, as I can be weak.

Road to the Welsh Cup Final - Forward we go

Qualifier Round 2 of the Welsh Cup took place on the weekend and my team in this round were Llantwit Fardre after they beat Grange Allstars in the opening round. They had an away fixture at Pencoed Athletic and lost 2-0 so next it will be Pencoed leading me towards the Welsh Cup final.

In the First Round draw live on Facebook Pencoed from the Premier Division of the South Wales Alliance League have a tough away fixture against Pontyclun FC Welsh League Div Three who have an edge over Pencoed due to league position but we will see come October 7.

I have a bone to pick with the FAW why don’t they give attendance figures for the games it annoys me. Many websites are poorly updated making it difficult to find out relevant information.

Has a Cardiff born lad I like to keep an eye on the Cardiff teams in the Welsh Cup after the last round they were seven left with STM Sports joining the making it eight in this round.

At least two teams were for the chop due to a couple of Cardiff derbies. Butetown of the South Wales Alliance League had a home fixture against Welsh League outfit STM Sports. It was a high scoring game with the visitors running out winners 5-3 putting the St. Mellons-based side in the hat for the First Round draw.

The other Cardiff derby was a one-sided affair with Bridgend Street a famous old Cardiff based club beating Llanrumney 7-0 whose neighbours Rumney Juniors fared little better with a 4-1 defeat by Caerphilly Athletic. The other team out of the Cup are Ely Rangers making only four Cardiff based teams surviving this round.

The First Round draw was split between North South to help was travel cost the four Cardiff teams in this round have been joined by Caerau Ely.

• First Round - Pontyclun FC v Pencoed Athletic Att
• Qualifier Round Two – Pencoed Athletic 2-0 Llantwit Fardre Att
• Qualifier Round One - Llantwit Fardre 1-0 Grange Allstars Att

Sunday Lust – Erika Eleniak - NSFW

Over the next three Sundays, I am putting my regular segment ‘Sunday Crush’ to sleep and bring forward a case of pure lust instead. My teenage years were more along the lines of crushes while lust was a different level if you know what I mean. I was thinking along the lines of a particular scene from a film, which I may not even like but that scene was just unforgettable.

Up first is a scene from Under Siege is one of the better Steven Seagal movies but it is mostly remembered for the cake scene with Erika Eleniak. Yes, she was in Baywatch running along the beach in slow motion and enough magazines, including ‘Playboy’ to cover your average bedroom wall but that cake scene was something else.

She’s a real beauty, her Ukrainian-German origin produced sparkling green eyes, curvaceous, buxom figure, big natural boobs, and platinum blonde hair she oozes sexuality. In the film, she plays a Playboy Playmate model who boards a battleship at sea to entertain the ship's Captain who has been given a surprise party. It’s all a ruse to kidnap some nuclear missiles but this is not a film review.

We don’t really see much of her until the cake scene and just some cleavage. To get some idea of the story line she lands on the battleship accompanied by a well iffy looking band and others who turn out to be very bad men intent on taking over the ship and steal the missiles. In the process, they kill many of the crew before locking them away.

While all this mayhem is happening just feet away from the cake we are lend to believe Erika character was fast asleep maybe the pills she popped earlier were sleeping tablets. But lucky for every red blooded male and any interested lesbians our hero former Navy SEAL Chief Petty Officer Casey Ryback, Steven Seagal gives the cake a little push and pop the cake bursts and the music kicks in.

There before the viewing public she is wearing a tiny black thong, a sailor’s hat, and jacket. We have a great back view of her tight well proportion derriere slowly she gyrates her hips before the camera gives a frontal view. The gyrating becomes somewhat faster as she whips open to reveal her great breasts in all their beauty. I would give her breasts a ten out of tem. What a remarkable sight but it was soon over I could cry I could have watch her making her moves for hours. She dons overalls and helps Ryback save the day.

Upcoming Films On TV This Week

Next week is poor for my normal TV recommendation so for this week I decided to check out film I may have seen or not. I love a good film and never listen to critics I can make my own mind up like you if you don’t agree with my selection for the upcoming week.

Saturday Premiere Sky Cinema Passengers 8pm

I love a space movie and throw in Jennifer Lawrence and I am interested and the trailer looked like I would enjoy it anyway. In the film a passenger (Chris Pratt) aboard a spacecraft travelling to a distant planet is awakened from suspended animation by a technical glitch -- 90 years before the vessel is due to reach its destination.

Faced with the possibility that he will live out the rest of his life alone, he considers waking up another traveller (Jennifer Lawrence) in order to have a companion but will she be happy being woken. Michael Sheen and Laurence Fishburne co-star.

Sunday BBC 2 Grand Prix 1:45am

A fantastic film a real treat for a Sunday afternoon the film is packed with driving and unlike today with the cars full of computers; they were driven in this film. The only way to give drivers messages with a pitboard.

In Grand Prix after his Jordan-BRM racing team fires American Grand Prix driver Pete Aron after a crash at Monaco that injures his British teammate, Scott Stoddard. While Stoddard struggles to recover, Aron begins to drive for the Japanese Yamura team, and becomes romantically involved with Stoddard's estranged wife.

Monday Film4 Prometheus 9pm

Ridley Scott, director of Alien, returns to the genre he helped define. With Prometheus, he creates a groundbreaking mythology, in which a team of explorers discover a clue to the origins of humankind on Earth, leading them on a thrilling journey to the darkest corners of the universe.

They arrive at a moon trillions of miles away from Earth. The team spot what they believe to be signs of civilization. They go to investigate and find more conclusive evidence. But some of them have an ulterior motive for being there, including the Weyland Corporation. A interesting prequel I was left wondering why the spaceship was better than the on in Alien.

Tuesday TMC The Night of the Hunter 7:10pm

Imprisoned with thief Ben Harper (Peter Graves), phony preacher Harry Powell (Robert Mitchum) learns that Ben has hidden a huge sum of money somewhere near his home. Upon his release, the murderously misogynistic Powell who ingratiates himself into Ben's home, eventually marrying his widow Willa (Shelley Winters).

Eventually all that stands between Powell and the money are Ben's son (Billy Chapin) and daughter (Sally Jane Bruce), who take refuge in a home for abandoned children presided over by the indomitable, scripture-quoting Rachel Cooper (Lillian Gish). The war of wills between Mitcham and Gish is the heart of the film's final third, a masterful blend of horror and lyricism.

Wednesday Film4 The ladykillers 12:55

Music professor Alec Guinness rents a London flat from sweet old lady Katie Johnson. He tells her that, from time to time, several other musicians will visit in order to rehearse. In truth, Guinness can't play a note, nor can his visitors: he's a criminal mastermind, holding court over a gang of thieves, including the likes of punkish Peter Sellers, homicidal Herbert Lom and punch drunk Danny Green.

The gang uses Guinness' flat as headquarters as they conceive a daring 60,000-pound robbery. After pulling off the job, the gang stuffs the loot in a railway station locker. To avoid detection, Guinness convinces the ever-trusting Johnson to pick up the money. Through a series of comic complications, Johnson returns home with a police escort, with neither the woman nor the bobbies suspecting that she's carrying a fortune in her suitcase. Mistakenly believing that Johnson has ratted on them, the gang reluctantly plans to eliminate her.

Thursday Sony Movies Dear John 9pm

A sweet slow film involving a Dear John letter. Savannah Curtis (Amanda Seyfried) was on spring break when she first met John Tyree (Channing Tatum), who was home on temporary leave. For the smitten soldier it was practically love at first sight. Over the course of the next seven years, when each deployment seemed more treacherous than the last, the love letters that Savannah sent to John were one of the only things that kept him going.

However, those loving and heartfelt correspondences would ultimately yield consequences that neither the brave soldier nor his one true love could have ever foreseen.

Friday C4 The French Connection 1:30am

Why this great film is on so early in morning is beyond me but I will definitely record it. Jimmy "Popeye" Doyle (Hackman) and his partner, Buddy Russo (Roy Scheider), are New York City police detectives on narcotics detail, trying to track down the source of heroin from Europe into the United States. Suave Alain Charnier (Fernando Rey) is the French drug kingpin who provides a large percentage of New York City's dope, and Pierre Nicoli (Marcel Bozzuffi) is a hired killer and Charnier's right-hand man. Acting on a hunch, Popeye and Buddy start tailing Sal Boca (Tony Lo Bianco) and his wife, Angie (Arlene Faber), who live pretty high for a couple whose corner store brings in about 7,000 dollars a year.

It turns out Popeye's suspicions are right -- Sal and Angie are the New York agents for Charnier, who will be smuggling 32 million dollars' worth of heroin into the city in a car shipped over from France. The French Connection broke plenty of new ground for screen thrillers; Popeye Doyle was a highly unusual "hero”, an often violent, racist, and mean-spirited cop whose dedication to his job fell just short of dangerous obsession. The film's high point, a high-speed car chase with Popeye tailing an elevated train, was one of the most viscerally exciting screen moments of its day and set the stage for dozens of action sequences to follow. And the film's grimy realism (and downbeat ending) was a big change from the buff-and-shine gloss and good-guys-always-win heroics of most police dramas that preceded it.

Cardiff City (Game 6) - Trip to Capital City

With the international break over and Wales, finishing with two wins its back to the bread and butter, league football.

Could it be any better for the return of league football for Cardiff City manager Neil Warnock three points clear at the top of the league with five wins out of five. Cardiff face a trip to London tomorrow with a destination Craven Cottage and Fulham.

Fulham are low mid table in the league. In their opening five games of the season, they have just one win, one defeat, and three draws on current form Cardiff will be favourites going into the game. Warnock will play his strongest possible team to continue the run of wins to six depending on injuries but unless someone stubs their toe, there are no worries for the Bluebirds. At some, stage the bubble will burst but not this month hopefully.

Striker Kenneth Zohore should be prominent in the manager’s plans for Fulham and top scorer Nathaniel Mendez-Laing. You can pick out individual players but this great start to the season is a team effort all over the pitch. Warnock could give debuts to new signings Craig Bryson and Liam Feeney but we will have to wait and see.

Fulham may give new signings Yohan Mollo and Jordan Graham their debuts. However, manager Slavisa Jokanovic revealed an injury crisis ahead of the clash with Cardiff City with key players missing.

Over 3,000 tickets reported as sold by the club.

Cardiff are away on Tuesday night at Preston, which could be a tough fixture as of today and before the weekend fixtures they are just outside a play-off spot. Warnock believes the next two months could spell out the season final positions believing the top four at the end of October have a good chance of the play-offs. Unsure about his logic but I believe automatic promotion is on the cards … In Warnock I believe.

Worryingly Warnock as won the ‘Manager of the Month’ for August, which the superstitious can see as the kiss of death and along with the manager Nathaniel Mendez-Laing, he won the players award.

Girlfriends, Mum and I

I added an old girlfriend to my Facebook after she sent me a friend’s request a while ago  I thought why not. We didn’t go out together for too long, I remember going on a football away day and plan to see her when I came back to Cardiff. Instead of meeting up I had a drink with the lads in town.

That was what I was like with any girlfriend. I would drift away or jump in and out of a relationship never throw the word love around until I met the one and we have been married for over 30 years. I sometimes feel I should have open up to my mum in particular but never did, except for once.

I was and still am in a way a very private person I do not like sharing too much. When it came to mum, I did not want to disappoint her when it comes girlfriends especially. Mum never asked about girlfriends not once that I can remember nor dad except for my uncle Johnny who would tease me mercilessly any time he called down thankfully he was not a regular visitor.

Only once did I talk girlfriend with her and that was when I was told I was going to be a daddy. Having been told at work like most men not expecting that kind of news I panicked and rush to mummy for reassurance. I sat there in the living room, looked her straight in the eyes, and said, “I think I got my girlfriend pregnant”. I was expecting some kind of response, some shouting and finger pointing but all I got was “I didn’t know you had a girlfriend” and she walked out of the room and the subject was never talked about by either of us again until many years later jokingly. I was not the father.

Talk of a girlfriend or girlfriends didn’t happen because as a teenager I made a pact with myself I would only share information with my parents about girlfriends if the word love was involved. It is easy to throw the word love around but I have always been looking for lasting love like my parents. I just didn’t feel the need to have one girl after another being introduced to my parents unless it felt right and for me that meant leading to marriage.

When the wife and I got together I knew she was the one and marriage was our goal I even introduced her to the family before we were a couple. Later mum said she knew she was special. I found it easier to talk to be nan about girls who may have been more than friends she was my touchstone growing up.

When I took my wife home before we were even going out mum knew she was special to me it was just for me to tie down the deal.

Celebrity Island (2) - TV Review

I wasn’t going to write on the subject of Celebrity Island but the comic value of the celebrities was just too much to ignore and the first inmate left the Island. It took up from last week with no food, fire or shelter but plenty of squabbling.

The opening of yesterday’s episode it was night and they were standing about in the pouring rain freezing their asses off, moaning. I commented to the wife the kids from ‘The Secret Life of 4, 5, and 6 Year Olds’ could do better than this shower. They could had fire, food, and luxury accommodation within 24hours.

The lack of ‘mans red fire’ and the lack of ability of making it was the main topic of conversation and in the end Bear sent in his survival unit who held the islanders hands leading them towards fire. Cheating I would call it what a bunch of spoilsports. So did U.S actor R. J. Mitte, from Breaking Bad. R. J., who has cerebral palsy, was looking for the experience so he decided to leave the island before leaving he had made a number of shelters to keep the islanders somewhat dry. That least he tapped out on principle.

Kill, kill, kill

He left taking the opportunity to blast his fellow celebs, claiming they'd get "eaten" in a real survival situation.

On a food hunt eventually something was found and the trio of celebrity hunters were stunned to find some pineapples on the ground and excitedly took them back to camp. I was immediately suspicious of these supermarket quality pineapples. I was surprised they didn’t find a tin of custard. Soon caveman Iwan had a chance to show is metal when the ladies collecting water came across a caiman crocodile having a nap in the clouded water.

When the messenger with the news returned to camp Iwan stomps forward, “I heard someone say a caiman. Is it true? Let’s fucking get it. I have to do this is why I came to the island for, I need a knife.” That the water source Iwan now in full hunter warrior drafted in Ryan as his caiman hunting sidekick set about getting dinner it’s been nine days since the islanders had a square meal. They were jumping around and finally pulled the meal out of the water and dispatched it.

Shazia looking unwell

While killing the caiman the blood lust of those present were baying for blood. It was ugly and Ofcom received 11 complaints this morning probably for Iwan and Ryan more than the killing. Twitter was not happy with the killing and not just vegetarians nor were animal rights organization PETA.

As it was gutted and cooked, it left one islander in rather awkward dilemma for vegetarian Shazia Mirza to eat the meat or … Well she did and commentating it tasted like pork.

The idiots had still not sat down to appoint themselves a leader. Gold-medallist runner Iwan Thomas looks to be running the show along with a few lieutenants.

The Mist The TV Series - TV Review

A well iffy internet stream helped me out last night after finding out Netflix was screening the new TV series ‘The Mist’. The film was a hit for me and I was hitching to see this new series, but I have still not decided if I was going to add Netflix to my TV package.

With the press full of news of a crackdown on illegal download and streaming websites, I felt the urge to watch. So with some trepidation that the internet police would be kicking the door down any minute I still hit the button.

The television series offers a chance to explore this premise further an in the film, given more time to expand its narrative, the mystery of where the mist came from, and how the characters deal with the situation.

Set in a small town America in Maine. In the film the characters confined to the supermarket - save for escape attempts, foraging missions whereas here, the series splits out its main cast into three groups: a large collection of residents at the mall and two smaller groups at the police station and the church respectively.

The Mist film centre on monster horror, as the mist teems with otherworldly beings both small and gigantic. The Mist TV series has no creatures at all. For those who have not seen the film first shame on you. But a strange mist rolls into town and within 24 hours everyone devolves into bloodthirsty homicidal maniacs, because nobody wants to watch a show where civilized, normal adults work together like human beings to wait it out and stay alive.

Everyone in town quickly assumes the Mist is a harbinger of End of Times, because nobody wants to watch a show where everyone concludes it’s a chemical leak with some hallucinogenic agent, which is something all reasonable people would quickly assume.

The Mist gruesomely kills a bunch of unnamed, characters while allowing our heroes to dart around back and forth in it whenever they please and remain mostly unscathed, because everyone knows these characters need to return next season.

I myself like the pilot but there have been a lot of negativity surrounding the series and the likelihood of a second series is poor. I will continue watching when I get Netflix.

Premier League looking at Saturday night games

Over the weekend on social media and in the written press, I have been reading about the Premier League looking to squeeze more money out of their TV right packages coming up with the possibility of a 7:45pm Saturday kick-off.

That could give them up to an additional 22 more matches to put into a package TV broadcast deal, but why stop there! What about a midnight kick off just for the overseas owners and the Far East? What about a Christmas Day fixture? The whole Saturday night kick-off question is reported to be one of a number of topics that will be discussed at the Premier League's meeting this Thursday.

There are already games at 12:30pm and 5:30pm kick-offs in the top flight on Saturdays sometimes interspersed with games from the EFL. Not counting this season move to Friday night and the Sunday afternoon double bill and Monday night. That is up to six live games and the Premier League will see televised games increase from 168 to 190 next season. That will surely have an effect on coverage of the EFL.

That this meeting I don’t think the fans will come under consideration unless this possible 7:45pm kick-off was to be local derbies but that wouldn’t make the local coppers happy. Fans drinking all day there could be opportunities for trouble. What about traveling fans from the north if they had to travel to Southampton on a Saturday. Have these people at the Premier League tried travelling around the country on public transport after 10pm I doubt it with their chauffeurs and expensive hotels.

Think of the managers who have Champions League games mid-week have to play on late Saturday night I can hear the complaints. But at the end of the day money (TV money) talks loud. I am one of the gullible ones I pay a chuck of money to Sky and I don’t even like the Premier League but I love watching football from the top to the bottom.

Will the most popular Premier League highlights show Match of the Day have to be aired after mid-night?

Another topic, which is on the menu according to reports the subject of shutting the summer transfer window earlier. If I had my way it would be the day before the start of the new season, I would have the Premier League, and the EFL kick off on the same day. It is believed most clubs will agree that the window should close early maybe not as drastic as my idea but let us see.

Any proposals to pass, 14 out of the 20 Premier League clubs have to agree.

Road to Wembley - First Qualifying Round

The FA Cup early rounds just keep coming and this weekend it was the turn of the First Qualifying Round. Once again, the BBC via the iPlayer treated us to Billericay Town home against Didcot Town, which the home team won 5-0 so are in the hat for the next round.

The coverage is proper old school one camera on the centre line and offside is left to the match officials. No slow motion replays you just sit back and watch a game of football.

My team in this round is Littlehampton Town who play their football in the Southern Combination Premier Division and hoping to better their best FA Cup finish in 1990–91 season when they reached the First Round of the FA Cup. It was a Sunday home kick-off against visitors Chipstead, who are currently members of the Isthmian League South Division. Their best FA Cup performance was the Fourth qualifying round, 2008–09.

The game at Littlehampton Town ended in a draw (2-2) so a replay will be at Chipstead sometime this upcoming week. The visitors opened the scoring but the home team pulled one back before half time. After the break, the visitors soon took the lead and looked to have sown up the game but Littlehampton equalized minutes from full time.

Route to day

• First Qualifying Round (Reply) Chipstead v Littlehampton Town Att
• First Qualifying Round Littlehampton Town 2-2 Chipstead Att 229
• Preliminary Round – Littlehampton Town 3-2 Eastbourne Att 177
• Extra Preliminary Round - Little Common 1-3 Eastbourne Att - Played at The Oval, Eastbourne

There was Welsh interest in the round. Merthyr Town who won 8-1 over Willand Rovers based in Exeter, in Devon making it a long and fruitless journey. The other Welsh team were not so lucky as Colwyn Bay come out losing a seven goal game at Droylsden’s ground 4-3 so that leaves just Merthyr to take on the glory of Wales until Wrexham name goes into the draw.