Shock horror I failed again last night to win the GQ Man of the Year award, which was a real bummer.
Somehow I managed to dodge the red carpet leaving my date for the night (see picture) to hog the limelight. I had my eye on actor of the year for my starring role in ‘What a total dickhead’ but lost out to some nobody called Benedict Cumberbatch.
I had my fingers crossed for the award of Humanitarian of the year for my unselfish promotion of meat eating and my believeth that pies are good for you. I be honest I could have won any of the awards including ‘Woman of the Year’ after my Oscar nomination for my latest film ‘I wear mommy’s clothes’.
Film critic Norman Dickwit said of my performance, “That’s no fella” and fellow critic Johnathan Boss said “I would without a doubt. Truly I would” and both predict I will be walking away on Oscar night with best actor and actress.
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