Pride and Prejudice and Zombies - Miss Bennet and Mr Darcy - Official Trailer

There is nothing better than watching a good Zombie movie or TV show as I wait for the Zombie apocalypse I believe we will face one day.

The latest film project has put quite the unexpected twist and I am not surprised having seen Abraham Lincoln fight off the zombie hordes, Nazi zombies hell bent on world domination and my personal favourite zombie strippers all in need of some brain damage.

Little known to readers of Jane Austen's acclaimed novel Pride and Prejudice she had put pen to another version of the book, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. 19th century Britain was plagued with zombies this film reveals, yes a horror/romance spoof parody of the 1813 classic novel.

These films and TV shows have a name now ‘mash-up’. There is a Charles Dickens ‘mush-up’ on the BBC right now ‘Dickensian’. The Elizabeth Bennet character in this film is a martial arts expert must put aside her dislike of the arrogant Mr. Darcy as they unite against the undead. Lily James takes on the role of Miss Bennet moving from Cinderella to zombie slayer with Sam Riley playing Mr. Darcy.

We still have the corsets, heaving chests and being a zombie film plenty of blood and gore. I for one can wait to watch it next week hope fully.

Official Trailer

The School Yard - Saint Cuthberts - Memories

There was a brief moment in time when donning the uniform of the Queen flickered through my mind. The thing is I was a fantasy soldier my battles were fought in the infant’s yard of Saint Cuthberts or on my bed with my toy soldiers.

Yard games were important back then be it Germans and British or another favourite ‘stuck in the mud’ a form of touch where once you were touched you would have to stand with your legs apart and could only be freed if one of your mates crawled through your legs. I remember we were always running, chasing or jumping there was always something going on. Girls in the most would play clapping and rhymes games, skipping, and catch. It was also the time Kiss Chase/Catch was introduced to me but I never remember catching a girl I must have catch one but been a Catholic school being caught it was a teacher and the confessional with Father Bernard one scary old bugger.

Thinking back, I remember one game but for the life of me, I can’t remember how we played it, ‘What’s the time Mr Wolf’.

We had two yards the girls and infant’s and a wall separating the boys yard with a door joining the two yards. I think all the boys felt like it was a right of passage when you progressed into the boy’s yard I know I did. Soon games like Germans and British came to an abrupt end as we grew into the yard. Now it was about getting an invite to join the older boys in a game of football or leaning against the wall talking and looking hard.

In a yard full of boys, girls begin to take on a completely new meaning with conversations about girls you liked and crushes, we were in the big boy’s yard now. I had a crush, who didn’t and although her name is lost to me still remember lifting her skirt and chasing me all around the yard.

After five years you take your place has the top boys in your final year controlling the yard before moving on to Secondary school and dropping right down the pecking order.

The Penthouse - Film Review

Watched the film ‘The Penthouse’ 1967 written and directed by Peter Collinson and I was surprised I had never seen it before until coming across it the other day. It stars Suzy Kendall who I have a long time crush on, Terence Morgan, Tony Beckley, Norman Rodway, and Martine Beswick in this five hander of a film.

We have a 1960s style home invasion with Kendall and Morgan as illicit lovers tormented by three deranged intruders in a penthouse apartment they use for their nights of passion. The two lovers find themselves subjected to mental cruelty and sexual humiliation in this tense and interesting film.

The two main perpetrators, Tom (Beckley) and Dick (Rodway), are fascinating nutters, they are childlike in a chilling way, yet always they exude a sense of intelligence. They feed off each other like some double-take twins, and always they have handy a deep meaning monologue or a philosophical justification for the black heart of the human being. The two men take turns raping Kendall, but the rape is portrayed more as a humiliation of her boyfriend than of her. She gets drunk with the two nutters, develops the most rapid case of Stockholm syndrome in history, and thus may be an at least somewhat willing participant in the sex.

The third intruder Harry (Beswick) a woman eventually joins the fray claiming to be their parole officer but turns out to be one of the gang. She brings Tom and Harry back to apologise after the two slip out and they are foolishly aloud back into the penthouse. Her character needed more airtime in the film she was wasted.

The camera zooms in and out of focus, something that proves to be a masterstroke for the sex scenes, while the various angles that the camera looks through during the course are suitably nightmarish.

See trailer

The Buckham sex toy - Celebrity dildo - Crazy

While sniffing around the AVN awards on the internet I came across one of the craziest of new products from the 2016 AVN porn convention I had to remind myself it wasn’t 1st April. It was celebrity dildos!

Not the normal celebrity dildos a cast of some porn stars todger (penis) these are shaped into a crude likeness of celebrities. At the expo, they had The Rock ("the Kock"), LeBron James ("the Lebone"), and the world famous David Beckham ("the Buckham") see accompanying photos.

Do you think it looks like him? I can see it but it will cost just over $100 to buy and someone will buy it, there is always someone. Also it is available in four colours.

It was rumoured many years ago that Beckham gave Victoria a vibrator made of platinum and diamonds valued at two million dollars. Maybe this Buckham will end up as a new line in Victoria’s trendy shop in London. More than likely lawyers may become involved because don’t Dave own the copyright to his image no matter how crap it may look.

AVN Awards – Porn Awards -

Over the weekend there was a big awards night in Las Vegas with the good and the bad flying in to McCarran International Airport or making the drive in from Los Angeles the established home of the awards industry.

However, the red carpet will not be as illustrious as the Oscar’s or Golden Globes I am talking the porn awards (AVN) the biggest night in the industry is the sales pitch. The awards a famed for the amount of silicone on display and with all the other nips and tucks they alone are keeping the Los Angeles cosmetic & plastic surgery industry going. If they are handing out goodie bags to the A listers of the industry you can bet there will be money off vouchers for botox and plastic surgery.

There was no way this was going to find its way to normal TV and there will be no Red Carpet coverage on E! Channel. They were all there and I had no clue who most of them were and there was no award for the best granny because most of the adult performers I can remember are one now been a teenager of the 70s myself. Ok I may know the odd 1 or 2, maybe 10 or more of today’s performers.

The whole red carpet is surreal when the interviewer asks what awards are you up for, and some 18-year-old starlet announces best anal, best gangbang, best blowjob, and best newcomer. The awards themselves throw up some interesting categories to say the least. There are the obvious like I mentioned above and the lesser below,

Best Condom Manufacturer
Best Entrancement Manufacturer
Best Lubricant Manufacturer
Best Pleasure Product Manufacturer … Large/Medium/Small

The 2016 AVN Awards was hosted by adult film actresses Joanna Angel, Anikka Albrite and comedian and actress Kate Quigley is the comedic co-host and on the night there was 114 categories. It’s not just about the awards there is an Adult Entertainment Trade Expo. In addition, parties where for a price you can party with your favourite porn star or stars. With sex their profession some are open to a more intimate kind of business other than signing their signature on a t-shirt all for a cost.

Thanks to an iffy internet stream I caught up with the show a few days later and the Red Carpet was has interesting as always talk of dresses sprinkled with the not every day kind of questions. Surprisingly the dress etiquette was quite demur compared with previous years. The comic turn was good while the endless lines of ladies were easy on the eye as for the male of the species who cares. The Female Performer of the Year Riley Reid, who picked up a few awards on the night including the fans top award.

It’s not just about porn the big question of the night was who they wanted to be the next President with Hillary just clinching the porn vote of those asked.

Titanic - Rose killed Jack - Room for two

The other day someone on my Facebook was gushing on about the love story in Titanic the Kate Winslet/Leonardo DiCaprio one and how beautiful there love was. Ok I know it is a film, and a case of fantasy writing but still if someone is to talk like it was real I have the right to make a point or two.

Winslet playing Rose was a right bitch she may have been pushed into an engagement for money but her fiancé Cal (Billy Zane) looked the part has a rich playboy type. Then roll up unlucky Jack (DiCaprio) who saves her from throwing herself into the sea at the thought of marriage.

The film is set in 1912, a time of the prim and proper and a time ladies were ladies and in the most part kept their knickers firmly on. Rose had Jack wrapped around her finger he was like a lap dog looking for a few bones and getting more than he expected. She asks Jack to sketch her, as he is some kind of an artist and without batting an eyelid, she gets naked quicker than a modern day page three girl, but at least they leave their knickers on.

To skewer the knife deep into poor Cal she purposely wears her engagement present, the not so cheap necklace with a rare diamond, the Heart of the Ocean. Utterly heartless.

If that’s not bad enough as I reckon Cal had only seen a bit of ankle she puts out, goes all the way with Jack in the back of a car, yes a car in a cargo hold of the ship. The harlot is not content with that but puts the sketch in Cal’s safe with a mocking note.

With the wedding probably off and the ship sinking looks like no one would be living happy ever after. Cal manages to get on a lifeboat after helping save a child but the other two are stuck on the Titanic so jump into the freezing water.

Heroically Jack shunts her onto what looks like a top of a piano where she selfishly commandeers all available space while Jack the poor bastard freezes to death in the icy water. She doesn’t make attempt to dive in after him and die with the love of her life, but is soon crying out for help to save hers.

Pie and Chips - A disappointment - Still a favourite??

Last night I took advantage of the wife (get your head out of the gutter) who was out and about at the Chapter Arts cinema watching ‘The Danish Girl’ with a friend. I had a yearning for something I hadn’t had for a while some pie and chips from the chippy it was not an impulsive kind of thought because it has been stewing in my head since she bought the tickets days ago. The chippy was not far off the way home so I put in an order with the wife.

Was I impressed with the offering? No not really. First, the pie, which the wife made the cardinal sin of not asking for it to be separate from the chips. Luckily even with the pie coming from the Victoria Pie Shop and doesn’t come in a foil pie tray it held up well. The chips were awful! They were mostly small and shrivelled up as if they had been cooked for a while and there were a lot of bits. Back in my day we called bits ‘scraps’ which was small pieces of batter and pieces of chips left in the oil after frying. Sometimes you could get a small bag of scraps for free or for a penny.

The wife will be back at the Chapter Arts in a few weeks and I think I will give the Chippy the miss and have a homemade pie and chips.

There was a time that the Chippy would have been the first port of call for a takeaway but times have changed. Call me old fashioned but today’s Chippy can be scary with the massive menus were they sell everything under the sun like kebabs, fried chicken products, burgers, pizzas and just about anything you can think of that is way beyond my ideal chippy. Some use frozen chips to cut corners and most now use polystyrene boxes instead of newspaper to not wrap your chips up.

I remember the time when the most exotic item on the menu of a chippy was roast chicken and fish. As a Docks lad, I was a frequent visitor to the local chippies in my youth. Locally we had three shops in walking distance from my home all three to fall victim to the bulldozers during the regeneration of the area.

Fish and chip shops were a handy watering hole to load up on a relatively cheap meal with just a bag of chips being very fulling. Back then, it was cheap but today not so. Payday was a popular day, Friday back then, you were paid in cash, and the ques in the chippies were always that bit longer.

Write a book not a blog - The Future? - I love Blogging

I was asked today if I was getting bored of blogging and my reply was No, I have always liked writing even before the internet when I found an outlet for my thoughts in the pages of letter columns in newspapers.

I’ve always been religious about my blogging normally triggered by a memory, something I have read or seen on TV sometimes I even schedule content ahead of time like the piece I just written about Valentine’s Day. I never struggle with my motivation to write but I do actually miss writing letters or keeping a diary/journal.

They do say most people have a book in them and I hope I have one to share with the world. I wrote something once that was not for publication just a project for me. I did all the researched needed with hours in the library but for my son to wipe it off my USB stick. However, I still waiting on a new idea which this time I will follow through even if I have the only copy of the book.

When I say wait for an idea there is a book floating around my mind but with my ongoing mental health issues it’s not going to happen until I get it sorted out. Blogging is tough it’s not easy coming up with ideas, and it’s hard to find new things to talk about that’s why I need a spark to get my interest going.

Last Penthouse magazine - Childhood memory - Killer Internet

It’s the end of a childhood memory although it will not be forgotten? After the end of the ‘Lad Mags’ the magazine Penthouse is moving over to an internet publication following a drop in circulation over the years. The owners hope the move to the internet will keep the magazine competitive in the future.

Now I may have not been a fan of the ‘Lad Mags’ but it can’t be said of Penthouse a copy was like gold dust in my teens and a major find if you came across one dumped and discarded by some sexually frustrated adult. I can put my hand up and say I never paid for a copy. It was first published in 1969, I was 9 years old, a bit too early for me. The magazine was competition to Playboy, and was considered raunchier then its rival.

Many a copy of Penthouse could be found under the mattress of many a young lad but not mine seeing has mum made my bed so I had another hiding place. I would think the first time I saw a naked woman was in either of these magazines but thinking back, I do remember thumbing through Penthouse more. I was fascinated in the body of the female of the species with the models voluptuous so on seeing my first naked girl there was a bit of disappointment but teen girls grow.

The internet has a lot to answer for because it is destroying the written word and all kinds of magazines. The last Penthouse Pet and cover girl is porn star Christiana Cinn.

A Rat Islander by default – Docks Boy – Pomeroy Street

Rat Island

I always enjoy meeting up with my friend Gillian has we always slip into memories of our childhood remembering them fondly. We grew up on the same street you could say across the road from one another.

I say ‘by default’ because although I was born in St David’s Hospital I headed home to Tiger Bay/Butetown and Patrick Street where I was in residence for under two years before moving to Pomeroy Street. I have no memory of Patrick Street, we lived in a basement flat, and it was awful, cold, and damp according to my parents.

Gillian still lives in Pomeroy Street but we left in the early 1980s. I felt a bit jealous of her and any other of my old neighbours still living there but on reflection, it is not the same street I grew up in. My old neighbours have gone so have many of my friends and my house and the last time I was in the street I stood on the bus stop looking back and I was not feeling that kind of love I had growing up.

I am not sure that neighbourhood spirit is still there every time I go down there one thing that surprises me each time is how quite it is although I have been informed it can get lively. Where I lived was like a giant playpen, as if being in the house with mom having eyes everywhere with neighbours and family friends act has authority figures for your parents. The number of times I heard “Peter Ugarte, I know your mum and dad or I will tell your parents” happy times.

It was not helped because we lived on a kind of an island known locally has ‘Rat Island’. Sandwich between the old Glamorganshire Canal, now a park, and the River Taff and Clarence Road. A lot of the housing I remember is still there with the major changes happening to warehousing and old factories turning into flats, apartments, with some social housing.

Cardiff Bay

The whole area now comes under the Cardiff Bay banner beloved by estate agents and like another planet compared to my childhood. In the early 1980s, I did a project on the Cardiff Bay development for my English RSA exam and from what I see now it was nothing like what was planned then. It is now a major destination for the people of Cardiff, Wales, and the World. There is the Wales Millennium Centre, Mermaid Quay, The Doctor Who Experience, The Red Dragon Centre, The BBC Studios, and the profusion of restaurants, pubs/clubs, and arty shops that have transformed this once neglected Docks area into a thriving cultural hub. The Welsh government is base down the bay, which in itself brings in their camp followers looking for office space. Many events happen down the bay like extreme sailing, the Cardiff summer beach, and others.

The future of the Coal Exchange?

In a nod to my history I still refer to the area as the ‘Docks’, it’s my heritage I will leave ‘Cardiff Bay’ to the trendy newcomers. With all the shiny newness it’s a pity some of the old properties have been left to rot like the old Post Office and the abandoned Bute Street railway station. The old business area around Mount Stuart Square is not so shiny either and difficult to incorporate into the whole Cardiff Bay/barrage development. Many buildings are grade I and II* listed like the Coal Exchange Building, where there is an ongoing campaign to repair and reopen the building but parking is very limited making it difficult to see how the area could attract visitors.

The empty buildings were built in the time of opulence when coal was king when you were making a statement when building commercial properties. With the decline of business and people, they became white elephants, too big for purpose. We will have to see what the future holds.

Doomsday - Film Review

While on the search for something to watch the other night, I spied the film ‘Doomsday, 2008’. I reckoned I had seen it before but I still recorded it for another day.

I had watched it a while ago and remembered it was one hell of an insane film, a mish mash of a number of other movies, with a great 1980s sound track. Getting the pervy side out of the way Maj. Eden Sinclair, played by Rhona Mitra sizzles as the feminine warrior and besides looking fit she kicks ass. She is a kind of British Snake Plissken (Escape from New York).

The premise, simple enough, a fatal virus known as the Reaper lays waste to Scotland so the government rebuild Hadrian's Wall to keep the virus out of the rest of the UK. Thirty years on and a police raid in London the Reaper Virus rears its ugly head. Activity has been spotted north of the border by the government, and this can only mean one thing in their eyes, survivors’ means a cure and a ray of hope.

The government pull together a crack team of military types and scientists to cross into Scotland in search of the cure. They were looking for mysterious Dr Kane a scientist who was working on a cure before the wall and found himself trapped on the wrong side when the wall went up.

The team assembles and head out and soon find themselves in a crazy world of cannibalistic Scotsmen, Mohawks, and Mad Max style car chases and later in the film mediaeval Scotland. The tension and suspense becomes wall-to-wall action leading to a BBQ of one of Sinclair’s team. Dr Kane’s son Sol is the crazy leader of the punks (is this a Mad Max film) in Glasgow. Viper is a cool bad girl punk who comes to a messy end at the hand of Maj. Sinclair.

Maj. Eden Sinclair

Maj. Sinclair and the two survivors of her team join up with Kane’s daughter and escape the city in search of Kane on a steam train. This leads to mediaeval land where you may not be on the menu but they don’t like outsiders with knowledge from beyond the wall. Another escape, which leads them to a cave full of things the previous government, thought it was prudent to store for safety, which includes a crate of mobile phones and a Bentley Continental GT both of which are handy to find. We then have a chase to the wall that is right out of Mad Max.

Doomsday has sword fights, car chases, and plenty of shooting up of bad people. Film critics are often accused of being snobs and this got a panning from them. However, if a film entertains that is all I need and this film falls into that category. You are left wondering just how many movies does Doomsday rip off?

Road to Wembley – Round four

Well followers it’s a new team on my road from my armchair and I am not happy at all because after my previous team Sheffield United were dumped out I am left with one of the two teams I truly hate in football.

I feel so unclean after last night’s draw, my journey forward is now tied to Manchester United, and the other team I hate is Swansea. My hatred of Manchester United is long held going back to when I became a football fan in the early 1970s. It is always been the case of any team but United or Swansea. If they were to reach the final then I jump ship to their opponents. Fingers crossed that United will come a cropper at Derby who are riding high in the Championship so could go into the game favourites.

My team Cardiff City are out of the cup, which was not a surprise, and remember the previous game some league team shifted seven goals passed Shewsbury while we couldn’t manage one. Pity they weren’t handed a plum tie in the fourth round were they are home to Sheffield Wednesday.

David Bowie - R.I.P - Legend

David Bowie is dead … but will live on via his music and will never die. I was truly gutted on hearing the news this morning. I think we all lost a hero today.

An announcement on his website reads:

"David Bowie died peacefully today surrounded by his family after a courageous 18 month battle with cancer. While many of you will share in this loss, we ask that you respect the family’s privacy during their time of grief."

Soon has I heard "Space Oddity" on the radio back in 1969, at the age of nine, I was under his spell, which lasted a lifetime, and I still want to be Maj. Tom? At the time, the world was going nuts for space all things out of the atmosphere and here was a song embracing space. Although the whole Ziggy Stardust, Glam Rock thing was not me you couldn’t fault the music he was coming out with during that time.

I could write reams and reams about his music and looking at is massive back catalogue it’s hard to find anything I don’t like. It’s impossible to pick a favourite if I was push to name one quickly it would be ‘The Man Who Sold the World’ but it could be something else tomorrow. He was like a chameleon changing his style and music direction has he felt taking his fans with him and acquiring new fans along the way. His videos were ground breaking with the rise of MTV and later his use of the internet.

Outside the world of music he made is mark when Bowie took the title role in the Broadway theatre production The Elephant Man, which he undertook wearing no stage make-up, and which earned high praise for his expressive performance. In film if you side step Absolute Beginners (1986) universally panned by cities and the audience there are some terrific films. Bowie’s first outing ‘The man who fell to Earth’ (1976) brought him critical acclaim. In 1983, we saw two films released both well received The Hunger, where he plays a vampire a long side Catherine Deneuve and Susan Sarandon. Also Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence, where Bowie plays Major Jack Celliers, a prisoner of war in a Japanese internment camp.

Bowie has left his mark on the world and I for one is so glad I had him in my life. His androgynous appearance and sexuality made him a regular in the newspapers throughout the 70s/80s.

Hunger Games: Catching Fire - TV adverts - Not for me

Channel 4 are banging on about the TV premiere of The Hunger Games: Catching Fire tonight a 9pm and yes, I am interested but not with commercial breaks. It’s about time they did something about it.

Why not see the first transmission on terrestrial TV without commercial breaks say have TV adverts for 10 minutes before and after the film, I am sure it would be appreciated. Still I won’t be watching tonight because of the adverts and I am not desperate to watch anyway. If I was, I could probably watch it free and without adverts.

With the BBC not offering much competition in the film department it’s left the door open for commercial TV has the Conservative party continue to destroy and attack the BBC. It the BBC and Channel 4 were both showing the film you can bet the BBC would win hands down because they have no adverts.

FA Cup - Road to Wembley - I love it

FA Cup day! Ok the first game kicked off last night that is the price of football on TV these days but I come from an innocent time when football was just football and football on TV were mostly highlights.

Fans around the country back then would get a little tingle FA Cup morning be it in August in the opening round or today the start of the third round. Maybe a new ground to visit or into the unknown against a non-league club always dangerous has a Cardiff City fan I can testify to on more than one occasion.

Today the pressure of league position and European football means weaken teams full of under 21 players. Liverpool last night played a weaken team and nearly came a cropper against Exeter with the game ending in a draw and a nice payday for Exeter with a replay at Anfield.

Back today and my road to Wembley team Sheffield United face a trip to Old Trafford and the once mighty Manchester United and leaving as giant killers would be very nice. As for my team a home fixture tomorrow due to the demands of TV but not Sky Sports, the Welsh channel S4C are covering the game live which should give them the highest audience this year, and for a while. Hope they have some kind of coverage for us English speakers.

The Blues are back in Town - Book Review - One Season

Another day and another book this time not about pies but another of my weaknesses, Cardiff City Football Club, an illness I will carry with me for life.

I always like to read about my club through the eyes of the fans my bookshelf is bowing under the weight of them. Fan authors tend to write warts and all compared to books officially sanctioned by the club. The author of the book is Nick Fisk who has been a supporter of Cardiff City for over 20 years so he has tasted it all, the good, the bad, and the downright ugly.

The book covers 2014/15 season, back in the Championship after the one fleeting season at the top table. ARGH! The Premier League what a fond memory. Coming out from the failed rebrand it was the season of two managers, Ole Gunnar Solskjær who didn’t last long into the season, and the unwanted one Russell Slade who is basically still unwanted and of course the caretaking duo of Danny Gabbidon & Scott Young.

Mediocre football on the pitch at times we finished 11th in the league with many fans believing the play-offs were a dream to far.

The book is a great read split into four sections the season from August to December opens the book, then his reflections on the rebrand fiasco. Section 3 was my favourite ‘The Sad Crew’ and the final section finishing off the season. We all feel authors Fisk frustrations being a Cardiff City fan although our relationship with the club is personal they can intertwine leading to a group experience. I think every Cardiff City fan should have a copy on the book shelf and beyond that it’s a good read for any football fan has it could be any club.

My all nighter – Dawn of the Dead - Zombies

Last night due to my coughing fits, I thought it was practical if I vacated the bedroom so not to disturb the wife. I thought it shouldn’t be long before I myself was asleep sitting in my chair.

However, I just couldn’t go to sleep so ended up watching TV in the dark hoping maybe I would drop off. Anyway Dawn of the Dead the 2004 remake was on and there is nothing I like better than a good zombie film and I was up for some late night horror. It is a good film but I hate the ending. After breaking out of the shopping mall, they head for the harbour being thinned out along the way.

Four of the group do make the boat and they set off in search of an island. On the boat, they find a camcorder and we see snippets of their journey. They arrive at a new island with their fuel running out. Just as u thought the island was deserted, dozens of zombies come running for them. The camcorder is dropped and records the zombies chasing after the survivors, we see flashes of zombies and hear gunfire and screams as the credit roll and then it ends. Thing is I have a longstanding plan to escape a zombie take over and that was to get myself to the island of Flat Holm. Looks like it could be a bad idea.

Personally I think they all died, because they had run out of fuel in the boat the couldn't have possibly had time to get back on the boat and get away from the dock. Still I do like a clean ending and this wasn’t one of them.

FHM -LadS Magazines the end - Holly Willoughby

We have seen the demise of the top shelf in the shops with the nudey books have all but disappeared in most shops now the middle shelves will be lighter with the end of the lad mags.

Nuts make an exit in 2014, Loaded earlier last year, and ZOO just before Christmas and now FHM magazine has printed its last edition. They were probably killed off by the internet and that the target audience the young city types moved on from the laddish behaviour of the late 1980s, and 1990s. I think I bought one of these mags (FHM) only because Kelly Brook was on the cover.

Today’s city types are more likely to be moisturising and following the latest grooming trends than reading a lads mag full of birds with big jugs, getting smashed out on booze or advising lads where to go for the filthiest stag locations normally in Eastern Europe. All the above can be cater for on the World Wide Web for free.

The TV presenter Holly Willoughby graced the final cover with a striking black-and-white shot in a cleavage-revealing dress, blowing a kiss, alongside the coverline: "Bye! x"

Life of Pies – Book Review – I like a Pie

It has been on my mind to buy this book for some time and while deleting websites from my favourites list I came across the author’s website I had saved. I decided straight away to buy the book before it slipped my mind again.

It could be my kind of heaven writing a book like this travelling around the length and breadth of the country reviewing pies. This book took around two years to compile and the author estimates he ate over 400 pies with 314 making the book. I doubt anyone could find every pie producer in the country or eat one of every pie in the UK. It would be easy with the mass-produced pies from Supermarkets or Chain bakeries but just think of all those independent bakers and butchers who may only produce a small amount of pies daily selling locally these pies are the holy grail of any pie hunter.

A Clarks pie on a plate

The author Martin Tarbuck must the envy of all pie connoisseurs eating so many pies in such a limited time, which got me thinking how many different pies I have eaten? I would say under a 150 and that is over 50 years plus, not two years. Lots of double, triples and in the case of the Clarks Pie hundreds eaten. Some of them would have been consumed while travelling to away games with my team Cardiff City back in my late teens/ early twenties if a pie was on the menu it would be in my stomach.

However, before opening the book I dived straight to the back of the book to check the index to see if he had venture to Cardiff to try the famous Clarks Pie. He had and we are both like-minded agreeing it is a top pie has he rated it highly it made it into the top five of the top 100 in his book.

I then settle down to read the book from cover to cover and it is a chunky book 358 pages, which took me two days on and off. It is not just a list of pies, the author shares his journeys, frustrations in a light hearted way, and it is a witty read. The layout of the book makes an easy read and there is an elaborate rating system. I also liked the fact the book was not full of pictures of each of the pies, which left me drooling over the image in my mind.

His top pie was Greens of Barrow, a Meat and Potato pie. But then again what a pie taste like to someone else can be totally different for another pie lover. To prove a point I checked the online bible of all pie lovers, Pierate but couldn’t see a review of Greens. However, their top pie was a Steak and Guinness from Paul’s of Coleshill but in the book the same pie makes tenth in the top 100.

The author hails from the north of England so there is a bit of a biased to the Meat and Potato pie popular up north however, he does get about other areas. To a pie fan like myself, this is like porn, opening the door on the unattainable. I am unlikely to get my gnashers around these pies any day soon. I would recommend the book to anyone with an interest in pies and eating them.