Made in Cardif TV anywhere but Cardiff

I decided this morning to see what Cardiff TV was offering as it has been awhile since I watched it and after hearing what has happened to the Swansea local TV station I was interested. I have to say back then it was better than what I viewed today it was unrecognisable and to call it Made in Cardiff TV is a joke.

Turned it on just after 7am to see if there was any kind of breakfast show but no just a half hour of Cardiff news which was ok but the news seem dated like it may have been yesterday’s. After that, it was a case of a trip around England with TV News from Leeds, Liverpool, and Tyne & Wear something every Cardiffian would want to view.

The news is follow by that well-known Cardiff judge … Judge Judy and then off to the wonderful Cardiff beach of Bondi for the show Bondi Rescue jokes apart this is not local content. Why are they on a small Local TV station, Judge Judy is made in America and Bondi Rescue in Australia about has far as you can get from Cardiff. The reason is that they are money saving schedule fillers that’s why. I have no idea what Behind Closed Doors is about but chances are nothing to do with Cardiff nor Walks around Britain.

It doesn’t stop there in the afternoon and the rest of the day.

Midday Dudley’s Comforts Foods and I have no idea who Dudley is but he is supposed to be a famous TV chef and after him, Loving Welsh Food is next and we could be getting close to Cardiff. At 1pm it is more Judge Judy and Bondi Rescue and at 4pm Unsolved Mysteries after which we have the news.

5pm Cardiff News

5:30 Bristol News

6pm Birmingham News

6:30pm On the Aire (Leeds News)

7pm Liverpool News

7:30pm Tyne & Wear News

How local is all this rubbish when Made in Cardiff first aired I was excited about local content but it’s got less and less. The rest of the evening is much of the same there is a show called Word to the Mothers where three mums chat to guests but no indication of the mums being from Cardiff.

At 9pm, there is USA cop drama set in Los Angeles, City of Fear in the schedule followed by Scandal made me Famous and Medical Detectives I make it just an hour of Cardiff content on a TV station meant to serve the Welsh capital. There are a number of colleges in and around Cardiff with media and journalism, courses that could be utilise for students to make some local content because without it the station will die. I can’t believe they have much of an audience.

Maybe be it is a off day but I doubt it and I doubt the weekend could be better with more Cardiff content I will check that out at the weekend.

The Porn Awards

Still grieving somewhat after Cardiff City’s defeat in the FA Cup yesterday and I was wondering what could pick me up and then I remember it was the AVN awards on the weekend. Many will have no idea what the AVN awards are! Well it is the Oscars of the porn industry and the chests were out like normal on the red carpet with a bit extra.

The red carpet is always fun and unusual like the reporter on the red carpet asking the ‘stars’ had they had a scene together, mostly yes. You get the normal awards like best girl on girl action that honour when to Katrina Jade & Kissa Sins and one of my can I say favourites Best Parody I do blog about this gene a bit … the winner was The Justice League XXX it also picked up Best Makeup.

The winner of Best Actor was some guy called Tommy Pistol, and what a put down when asked about his winning “He’s just a dick”. In this industry the woman, earn the big money at the top of the porn tree. There is now a trend in the industry that woman are becoming the real power and are not just what is called the ‘talent’ they are producing, directing and leading the way.

Some of the male talent have funny names like Mr Pistol and some bloke goes by the name ‘Small Hands’.

Fans Award Hottest MILF

Kendra Lust

The industry gave the award of Best Actress to Sara Luvv. The fans have their say with the ‘Fans Awards’ which comes with some awesome categories … Most Epic Ass, Most Spectacular Boobs won by Angela White and there is distinct lack of male performers in this section.

The Awards Ceremony has been through many changes over the years, and now there is another major development. Live Sex Cams are now a major player in the industry. It was the place for the amateur but it was not long before pornstars saw the possibility of taking some control from the studios and porn makers with websites, cams, helped by a social media. The porn industry continues to move from DVDs to social media and free and paid websites.

Pornstar of the moment Stormy Daniels was at the event who may, may not have shagged, or had an affair with President Trump she was in town reported to be headlining at so Las Vegas strip club. Reports the President was in the audience cannot be confirmed.

Due to allegations of sexual harassment, Ron Jeremy was banned from the AVN Awards.

The Cup a Game bring on Manchester City - Bluebirds

Cardiff City were handed a plum FA Cup tie with the runaway leaders of the Premier League at home and it’s now up to Cardiff boss Neil Warnock to come up with a plan to progress further in the competition.

There will be a sell-out crowd the biggest ever at the Cardiff City stadium with the game live on the BBC and shown worldwide it’s like the old days of the welsh clubs short visit to the Premier League a number of seasons ago. The club, manager, and fans have been calling for fans to return to the stadium where fans numbers have been relatively low with Cardiff in promotion form. The down side of that was the old ‘plastic’ claims were soon awash on social media, which really depresses me just get on with it, there is a game to win.

I have read our leader Warnock is playing down our chances on winning if that is tactics so what I believe every Bluebirds fan should trust over 90minutes to play that we can win. We have had them over in the FA Cup before, who can forget that Nathan Blake goal in 1994. Most recently in season 2013/14 our first home game in the Premier League saw us beat Manchester City 3-2 the same score line later today would be nice.

Manchester City manager Pep Guardiola’s claimed Cardiff were “a long-ball team” but he has vowed to play a strong team but that is to be seen when the team sheet is released later. They had trouble overcoming our Championship rivals Bristol City over two legs in League Cup while this game is a one off they are not easy to predict. Who would have thought Newport County at half time would go in with a 1-0 lead over Premier League club Tottenham and finish the game 1-1 and a replay at Wembley and their bank manager will be happy.

Cardiff will put out their best team and still have plenty of first team squad members on the treatment table the likes of Lee Peltier, Aron Gunnarsson, Craig Bryson, and Danny Ward remain out of contention. Despite the push for promotion, Cardiff have hit a bit of a blip over the festive period winning two from just eight games and seeing Derby County nip in ahead of them into second place. The Welsh side would dearly love to provide their fans with a day to remember with an unlikely win over City, I believe they can give them a game.

The 69-year-old Cardiff manager said: “The FA Cup is just special because you don’t know what’s wrong around the corner, do you? I remember when I was at QPR we played Chelsea and everyone said we had no chance – and we ended up beating them 1-0.

“They had two men sent off and lost their rag; I’m not saying that will happen with Man City but things happen in football and it’s produced these results.

“I think my biggest scalp was when I was with Notts County in 1991 and we beat Man City in the fifth round at Meadow Lane.

“The snow was six foot high at the time and the fans were clearing it off the pitch. I didn’t take my players training, we went sledging – it was only after I realised how close to a disaster I was because my two keepers, Kevin Blackwell and Steve Cherry missed a massive tree by about quarter of an inch.

“That could have finished me off but instead we created the shock. Look, Man City are the world’s best team and I’d tell the fans not to put money on it.

“But things happen and I know one thing I’m to enjoy it and wont be anywhere near as nervous when there’s points at stake, when your stomach is going and you have your last meal at 10 in the morning.”

Road to the English and Welsh Cup Finals

CUP football this weekend but more about Cardiff City in a later blog. However, its time to get back on the road to Wembley and the Welsh Cup final after the last round of games in the FA Cup my team is now Tottenham Hotspur and in the Welsh Cup Pontypridd Town.

Tottenham will be making the trip today to face Division 2 club Newport County who will be looking to be the talk of the round by beating the Premiership club. Tottenham will be in for a bit of a shock facilities wise and the pitch they could find challenging to say the least. Rodney Parade is a rugby ground as Leeds found out in the last round.

Tottenham could be forced to make a number of changes for the trip to Newport because of injury doubts has the Spurs manager Mauricio Pochettino said, "We will take the best players to try to win”. What team will he play and is there a place for the player of the moment Harry Kane I think Newport fans would be happy to see him left home.

The game will be a big payday for Newport with a sell-out crowd and all that brings with other match day revenues, plus competition monies and TV cash. A win for Newport is the best option but a replay would also be welcome I expect. Tottenham may be my team but I have fingers crossed for a Newport win.

Route to Date (Bold type my team)

Fourth Round (Replay) Tottenham Hotspur v Newport County Att

Fourth Round – Newport County 1-1 Tottenham Hotspur Att

Third Round - Tottenham Hotspur 3-0 AFC Wimbledon Att 47,527

Second Round - AFC Wimbledon 3-1 Charlton Att 3,270

First Round – Charlton 3-1 Truro City Att 4,494

Fourth Round Qualifying – Hampton & Richmond 0-2 Truro City Att 784

Third Round Qualifying - Truro City 4 – 1 AFC Sudbury Att 359

Second Qualifying Round - AFC Sudbury 3-0 Chipstead Att - 169

First Qualifying Round (Reply) - Chipstead 4-0 Littlehampton Town Att 129

First Qualifying Round - Littlehampton Town 2-2 Chipstead Att 229

Preliminary Round – Littlehampton Town 3-2 Eastbourne Att 177

Extra Preliminary Round - Little Common 1-3 Eastbourne Att – 200 Played at The Oval, Eastbourne

Pontypridd Town would love the kind of cash Newport will make for their FA Cup fixture for their game against Penydarren BGC but will be lucky to see 1% of that kind a cash. These two are the lowest ranked sides left in the competition so one will be in the hat for the next draw with Penydarren BGC plying their football in the South Wales Alliance League Premier Division. They are on a 24-game winning run in all competitions so far in 2017-18, and are FAW Trophy quarter-finalists as well as having got to this stage.

Pontypridd currently sit top of the Welsh League Division Two and are favourites going into the game the hosts though are no stranger to big games, having pushed Cardiff Met all the way in the Nathaniel MG Cup back in October.

The Dragons will be eager to grab a great opportunity to make the last eight of the JD Welsh Cup. Whoever wins this one, the Cup will have a team from at least Tier 3 or below in the last eight for the first time since 2016, when Cwmbran Celtic got to that stage.

The only Cardiff based team Cardiff Met have a home tie against Aberystwyth Town the only all Welsh Premier League tie.

Route to Date (Bold type my team)

Fourth Round - Pontypridd Town 1-2 Penydarren Boys & Girls FC

Third Round - Pontypridd Town 3-1 Penybont Att

Second Round – Pencoed Athletic 1-3 Pontypridd Town Att

First Round - Pontyclun FC 0-0 Pencoed Athletic (AET) (7-8 pens) Att

Qualifier Round Two – Pencoed Athletic 2-0 Llantwit Fardre Att

Qualifier Round One - Llantwit Fardre 1-0 Grange Allstars Att

A Hill in Korea (1956) – Film Review

AGAIN, it was time for me to search out something to watch last night because of the wife and her soaps so I took to YouTube always reliable to be there for me in my time of need and it came up trumps again. It is rare I come across a British war film I cannot remember seeing and ‘A Hill in Korea’ was one of them.

From memory, I cannot remember many British films based in Korea. After an internet search, I could not find another British film about the Korean War it was called the forgotten war and it looks like it was true for British filmmakers.

It is 1951, and the Allies are on the retreat from the Yalu River, with massive Chinese forces pursuing them south. A small unit of British troops reconnoitre a Korean village that look deserted but for two Chinese soldiers who they push on their way. But it looks like they left a present behind, a booby-trap bomb, which kills one of the British soldiers one of his mates chases after the Chinese and kills them.

The patrol plan to spend the night in the village and return to base in the morning. At daybreak, they see Chinese troops moving towards their position the British officer commanding the patrol decides to split into two groups with him taking three men to hold up the advancing Chinese and the others get away. The others soon run into trouble and both groups return to the village with the Chinese closely behind them and has the Chinese begin to burn them out of the village the only place left is up a winding path towards an isolated Buddhist temple at the top of the hill behind the village.

Now the problem is with a steep cliff and the Chinese surrounding them their predicament is made worse, when the radio operator dumps their radio so they cannot call for help. They fight off the Chinese troops and we see tension within the group. At one point, they have to contend with an enemy tank and successfully knock it out of action with a bazooka. They are also caught up in a friendly fire situation when American jets bomb the temple, no surprise there.

It is a good solid film along the line of many a British War film of the time. Nevertheless, the cast is first-rate. Look for future British stars and sturdy character actors, among them Michael Caine in his film debut, Robert Shaw, Stanley Baker, Stephen Boyd, Robert Brown, George Baker, Percy Herbert, and Harry Andrews. . The plot emphasizes the plight of the National Service men short-term soldiers who in many cases just didn’t want to be there or in the army.

Craziest Talk Show Ever in the River Thames - Rivron

For years, I have been trying to remember a chat show on Channel 4 with the interviewee and guest conducting the interview while floating in the River Thames, late at night. It got to the point where I actually began to believe I dreamt the whole thing up, a figment of my imagination and there was never such a talk show.

Then while checking out some videos on YouTube and having a bit of a perv of lead singer of Transvision Vamp, Wendy James, the drummer in her video caught my eye has the guy who I remember presenting the aforementioned chat show. After researching her band, I came up with his name, Rowland Rivron.

Once I had his name and seen his face I remember a lot of stuff he was in but it was his chat show I was interested and after all these years, I was zeroing in on it. Soon had the name of the show ‘Rivron’.

I remember him interviewing a woman singer I had a mind it was Madonna but it was Wendy James. Rowland Rivron was dating Wendy James around the time of the interview.

The show screened towards the end of 1989 on Channel 4 one of the many alternative comedy type shows. It was a zany idea to host a talk show in the freezing River Thames but that was the norm for Channel 4. Along with his guest, they would tread water with the entire set floating around them and the odd boat passing.

There were only two-episodes filmed along with James the other was with Jonathan Ross. Eventually the entire production was shut down due to health and safety issues with the River Police turning up shutting the whole thing down. The Thames is much cleaner now maybe Channel 4 could drop Alan Carr in for a revival show.

It has to go down has the craziest talk show ever and it come from Channel 4 who were cutting edge of ‘youth’ late night entertainment.

A Memory of the Scrapbook - Did you have one

Those who can remember these

scrapbooks

When yesterday I was writing about comics all of a sudden, I remembered I was always starting scrapbooks on any subject. They were normally around football like the football cards I would prefer to put them in a scrapbook than the official collector’s album and there was always something to collect. My passion for Cardiff City meant I was always starting one but rarely completed a season. I found myself growing out of the whole idea around 15 years old but never lost my need to list stats. It was always tempting to start a scrapbook they were always on sale around the shop.

I started countless but never succeed in completing one to a satisfactory completion except once.

I even remember having a scrapbook of flower pressings … that is embarrassing me collecting flowers to press not a memory to share but blogging means sometimes sharing a piece of you. The only thing worse I can think of is sitting on the corner of my street writing down car number plates damn I did that to but at least I was outside. Back in the late sixties and seventies there was really little to do other than play so we made the best of our time.

Then dad brought home a ledger he salvaged from work. It was massive and I bagged it for my new scrapbook straight away I was around 13 when I obtained it. This was the one, I stuck with it for over two and a half years stuffing it full of Cardiff City news and reports, and thinking back now, I wish I had saved it from whatever happened to it.

You couldn't have a scrapbook

with out this

I do remember how elaborate I made it cutting out all Cardiff City related headlines and underneath write a short synopsis of the story a bit of a space saver if the truth were told but I did like to try and make it my own. On the Sunday after match day or mid-week if they was a game I would cut out the match reports for the newspapers and paste them into my scrapbook.

Then my nerdy self would appear as stats boy would kick in. I would compile lists like goal scorers, home and away attendances, and using the player’s ratings from each paper coming up with an average to rate the players. Using that I would come up with the Man of the Match.

We would always have three papers on a Sunday The News of the World, The Mirror, and The People and even today, I always buy three Sunday newspapers.

I don’t think kids today are interested in scrapbooks and the many things we got up to has kids I know my kids didn’t as they grew up.

In a way, this blog is a scrapbook full of memories, likes, and interests including my love of football and Cardiff City.

Beezer, Topper and the Shoot - British Comics

While in my local corner shop and perusing the magazine rack looking for something to read I noticed as well as the top shelf material disappeared, there was a general lack of what I would call comics for kids. The ones I could see were aimed at girls with the selling point of having some kind of gift so I checked out the very pinkie Barbie Magazine, yes they are call magazines now not comics. The cost was an eye watering £3.99 but with a gift, a 6-piece handbag set and some stickers.

I come from a period in time when the kids comic was king where there were more comics for boys than girls I myself had two regular purchased for me by my mum ordering them for me and on the weekend the classic Shoot which can’t really be called a comic.

I would have the Beezer and Topper and would eagerly await the latest goings on between the pages. In the Beezer, I remember ‘General Jim’ who along with his gang liked to play war games. My favourite was ‘Pop, Dick, and Harry’ who were twins who always engaged in bad behaviour, disobeyed, and tormented their overweight father, Pop. You would think I would cheer on Dick and Harry but it was their much put on dad and what a joy if he won the battle.

In the Topper, there was Sir Laughalot who was a somewhat cowardly knight who would have a smart idea to win the day. Mickey the Monkey was the big name of the Topper, and normally found on the front page, and would get up to all kinds of scrapes.

The Shoot, well it was football, I loved football thanks to my dad, and even though I was at the beginnings of becoming a Cardiff City fan any football interested me. Even today, I just love reading about football any team I can even stomach the pages and pages of Premiership crap I would just like editors and the newspaper sports writers to remember there is more to football than the Premier League. Yes, I was a year or so from proclaiming I was an official fan of Cardiff.

There were other comics I would have but the Topper and The Beezer were the only two ordered until I left junior school then my choices changed. I bought or asked for what I wanted the Victor and Commando magazines.

Nudge Nudge Wink Wink Say No More Seventies Style

I have been trying to remember this classic from my youth back in the early seventies for a while now. I am talking about the ‘Funny Half Hour comic’ saucy jokes accompanied by a sketch of the nudge nudge wink wink say no more kind.

I remember them in my local corner shop in the magazine rack and l can say now I lifted a few (stolen) and there was always a few hanging around so we would have a bit of a giddle my friends and me.

The comic/magazine was more your saucy seaside postcard kind of stuff the cartoon could no way be called hardcore the written text within the book was a bit fruity. I do remember they cost 25p/30p around that time and today you could pay £10 or more on eBay.

The jokes/sketches would be kind of along the same line a husband coming home and finding the milkman in bed with his wife, cheating was a favourite scenario or wives unsatisfied with their husbands. On the other side of the coin husbands trading their wife for younger models, all boobs and bum.

I think you had to be over 18 to buy it and it was sold in America.

Amongst the sexism and titillation, there were some good jokes too. Their decline meant a lot less work for cartoonists that is for sure, so that is not good. On the negative side, the mags perpetuated a sexist, misogynistic attitude towards women that became increasingly tasteless and not 'only a bit of fun' as its defenders would have it. Basically, such joke mags reflected the attitudes of the times, but it was inevitable it would not last forever. At the time, I regarded them as innocent fun I had no idea about sexism, I do now and you know what I am ok with the content.

Today of course there is no market for such comics/magazines or cartoonists the internet of saw the virtual end to that with the sexual content rating pushing such comics that there are off the wall.

Sex doll try-out - 'Try before you buy'

The try-out gal

Reading this story this morning gave me a bit of a chuckle but really nothing in the world of sex surprises me these days. These real life sex dolls are all over the media a few weeks ago, some strange guy was talking about his real doll girlfriend/wife having his child, really no joke. There is a brothel somewhere on the continent of Europe, which is now staff by these sex dolls, and the owner boasted his profits were up and his establishment is busier than ever.

Not that it is just men the market for the ladies to purchase the male sex doll is picking up with a new bionic penis doll hitting the market.

Now today’s story involves a businessman from up north Gateshead to be precise not far from Newcastle. He has come up with a novel way to promote his business and a unique way of helping sales. Customers can 'test drive' sex dolls for a half hour session at the site in Gateshead. He is calling it a 'try before you buy' scheme.

He was quick to deny that he is effectively creating a 'sex doll brothel' is it illegal to have sex with one of these dolls for money? Customers are offered the chance to try out a doll before buying one with a £50 half hour session at the site in Gateshead, on a trading estate. So I thought what if you go in pick a doll and you are not sure if it’s the right one of for you and decide to nip off and have a try to make sure, once you use it now its second hand. I guess you find a bed in a bland room with a doll laying on it not the wholesome of pictures for your try out and I guess she is not a virgin.

I took a visit to the website, I do like a bit of internet shopping, and it was not as if I was really shopping. Just browsing. First thing, I noticed they do sell ‘used dolls’ there is always someone looking for a bargain and the try-out doll was busy today she had a full diary of gentleman callers.

We often buy dolls back from our customers and sell them on again. They go through a complete cleaning and restoration process, with any defects noted so the buyer can make an informed decision. They’re a great way to pick up a doll at a reduced price and completely hygienic. 100% discreet delivery – next day or any day you choose.

The one built by yours truly

on the USA website

Still sounds dirty and seedy to me so I checked what was new on offer you can build your own, with or without pubic hair and even down to toenails and fingernails. I remember a company in the USA (RealDoll) who even dress the doll and a lot more and have just had a quick visit less seedy then the British (LoveDoll). The UK dolls didn’t interest me to want to part with my fantasy cash not even a 50 quid try-out.

I would rather shop states side even with the postage but they have a UK distributor, which could help cut the cost for the postage for those interested. You would have to be incredibly sad to need one of these sex toy but people make relationship with them

Graham the owner admitted to BBC Radio 5 live that he has tested the dolls himself. 'It would be crazy for me not to,' he said.

'Once you realise you're performing an act with somebody or something that has no judgement of you whatsoever, that is quite a freedom and that's a developing freedom that a lot of our customers experience.'

There is a dark side to this, which neither of these companies are involved in child sex dolls most manufactured in the Far East and Japan.

Cardiff City face trip to Steel City

CARDIFF CITY have another game live on Sky Sports with this evening’s fixture at Sheffield Wednesday televised and next Sunday the FA Cup game at the Cardiff City stadium against Manchester City will be on the BBC. Popular now are the Bluebirds to TV companies.

Last Saturday in the league, Cardiff smashed Sunderland 4-0 and in mid-week thrashed Mansfield in a FA Cup game 4-1 so Cardiff fans are looking for more of the same this evening. I was rather surprised by the strength of the team in mid-week but I rather knew Cardiff boss Neil Warnock fancied facing Manchester City if they got past Mansfield.

Earlier in the season both played out a 1-1 draw at the CCS and after the disastrous festive games where the Bluebirds lost four games on the trot it was winning ways last Saturday will hopefully carry on later the players will be keyed up to perform with the FA Cup game next weekend.

On the team front the new loan signing Serbia midfielder Marko Grujic is in line for a Cardiff debut after his switch from Liverpool. Grujic could replace Joe Ralls who picked up a knock in the midweek FA Cup win at Mansfield. Also been reported Cardiff will face financially penalties if the mid-fielder doesn’t play 14-league games.

'We haven't had to give assurances, but we get financially punished if we don't. Warnock said on Friday.

'But that's quite acceptable and, to be honest, a good deal for both parties, because I want to play him, I'm not signing him to make the numbers up. He's a good lad, and a good player.

'If he plays in 14 there's no penalty, I would say. He will definitely play in that one; I'm looking forward to it. The chances are he will only play in one FA Cup game anyway.'

Winger Kadeem Harris could return to the squad but Lee Tomlin had a scan on a knee injury. Aron Gunnarsson, Craig Bryson, Lee Peltier, Matthew Connolly, and Danny Ward, with the latter unlikely to play again this season because of knee damage. It would be good to see some of these players trickle back into Warnock’s plan.

Bodily Fluids Memory

Most of my friends have heard this story but I now believe enough time as elapsed that I can tell the world. If you read on you will be taken into a world of bodily fluids and embarrassment to yours truly with the only plus to this story, it happened at the dead of night.

Time to lay the scene it was either 1990/01 and this young father (me) ventures out for a night out with the mates and freedom from the wife at home babysitting the kids so enhancing my liberty to tie one on (get drunk). I duly obliged sucking in some fresh air at final orders and we had a top night rounded off with a trip to chippy lane for something to eat before heading to the bus station.

No bus served where I live so as always it was a walk home for yours truly in the company of friend Andrew. We would head off talk shit and sometimes have a meaningful conversation. We parted ways with the normal abuse, lucky we were friends, with our warped sense of humour.

So I am alone now and no joke within seconds the booze hit me like a led balloon the stagger drunken walk suddenly appeared but worse of all the dire need for the toilet and a No.2. Now I had to concentrate wedging my bun cheeks tight together which is hard when one is drunk. It was still away to go before I hit home base and could relieve myself.

There was a decision to be made as I reached Ninian Park railway station … Do I take the short cut up and along the platform, across some wasteland before popping out just around the corner from where I lived or along the road. I chose the short cut, maybe a mistake. The gate could be locked or the police could be sitting there waiting on an easy arrest for trespassing but it could save me a minute or two. There was an incline, not too steep to get to the platform not Everest but it may has well been when you a drunk have you tried to keep your bum cheeks tight going up an incline? Take it from me you can’t!

When I got to the platform, I made some adjustments re-clenching my bum cheeks after surviving the climb to the platform. But half way along the platform the unexpected happened, no not that. The booze, chips, chicken curry off the bone and a possible jumbo hot dog just exploded into the night air has I was mega sick it was like Mount Vesuvius erupting up the platform. It was not a pretty sight. Has I staggered along for some reason I turned looked back and found myself walking back to have a look at the mess I made. To this day, I never understood why.

Has I when back to have a look I slipped on the sickie mass and the second my bum hit the platform there was another explosion from the other end. There I was sitting in my own sick after having an almighty poop, a very liquid poop all down my legs and still having to get home with some decency. So I made my way home, slow and surely hoping none of the neighbours was about.

It was a cold night so my jeans were soon turning to concrete has I made my way home the neighbours were tucked up cutting any embarrassment but I was not home yet has I fished for my keys. It couldn’t get any worse! Well it did the wife was standing in the doorway chatting to our next-door neighbour as I walked up the path. I could push pass them, but that would be highly embarrassing, and I still have to explain myself to the wife that was going to be bad enough.

There was really no need to chat, as I could smell myself as we stood at the door I smelt like shit and all I wanted was to get into my house. Not before time the chat ended, I was sure my smelly arrival helped. I explained what happen she (the wife) didn’t somehow see the funny side to the end of my night. I was a dejected figure sitting there in my jeans with the wife kind words to make sure I cleaned the bath and handing me a bag for my jeans, which were for the bin.

I find it funny now not at the time. It was the second time the poop think happen the other time was not so embarrassing except it happen one New Year’s Eve in Cardiff City Centre more solid and I had no idea until the next morning.

My top 5 sexy videos

I was a bit bored this morning not much happening on TV so I put the radio on and bang on comes Robin Thicke’s ‘Blurred Lines’. It got me thinking about the video and sparked an idea to write up Peter Ugarte’s top five sexiest videos.

It took some time to come up with the other four has Blurred Lines was in the top five. Three were there almost straightaway the other was a bit of a search. I knew it was by George Michael but the name of the track escaped me with all I could remember was a lovely shiny bum. A YouTube search was called for but not overly successful but a sudden memory helped. I remembered at bum was on a catwalk so I searched ‘George Michael, catwalk, models’ and it was then an easy find.

Robin Thicke, Blurred Lines.

To say feminist and others were outraged on the release of the video would be an understatement it screamed sexist. I heard the tune before the video it was incredibly catchy and I ended up with it in my head for days. I did finally catch the original video, featuring three models parading around with nothing on but nude coloured panties. A tame version (no nudes) was released which did little to deflect the haters

.

As with everything, I watch or read the only question is was I entertained? I suppose but I didn’t care that much the models seem to be happy, a controversial statement. It was a job of work and no different in walking the catwalk maybe not nude but I have seen breast out in the name of fashion before.

Featuring models Emily Ratajkowski, Jessi M'Bengue, and Elle Evans

Duran Duran Girl Panic.

The Brit band are famed for their videos full of hot chicks and this one is just the same but a favourite of mine. At nine and a half minute, it full of sparkles, lipstick, leather, and legs has the ladies strut their stuff.

It’s the return of the 'Super models' draughted in to play the members of Duran Duran in the video. They are interviewed by the band themselves about just how amazing and talented they all are and I think I prefer this line-up to the original.

Naomi Campbell (as lead singer Simon Le Bon), Helena Christensen (Roger Taylor), Eva Herzigova (Nick Rhodes), Cindy Crawford (John Taylor) and Yasmin Le Bon who is keen to point out "I am NOT a member of Duran Duran".

Robert Palmer, Addicted to Love 

Very old school and fairly tame compared to recent years but in the 1980s a MTV sensation. The video came in for a fair share of criticism with the charge it confused ‘sexy’ with ‘sexist’. I personally didn’t care the ladies in the backing group couldn’t play their instruments.

They were smoking hot in those sheer black dresses, heels and red lips

The five models in the video are Julie Pankhurst (keyboard), Patty Kelly (guitar), Mak Gilchrist (bass guitar) and Julia Bolino (guitar) and Kathy Davies (drums).

Christina Aguilera, Lil Kim, Mya, Pink, Lady Marmalade

The video features all four performers in lingerie, which makes for a catchy video with an appearance from Missy Elliot. It was a sure-fire hit with their naughty video and was No1 in most countries around the world

George Michael, Too Funky

This was the one stuck in my mind but I final won the battle to remember it. Michael’s only features fleetingly in the video with the rest featuring fictitious runway show loaded you supermodels walking on the catwalk.

The models featured in this video were Eva Herzigova, Linda Evangelista, Nadja Auermann, Emma Sjöberg, Estelle Hallyday, Shana Zadrick, Tyra Banks, Beverly Peele, and Emma Balfour. Actresses Julie Newmar and Rossy de Palma, and the performance artists Joey Arias and Lypsinka are also featured.

The Prize for beating Mansfield in tonight’s replay – A Home game against Manchester City

FA CUP replay football tonight and what could have been a mediocre game has been given a kick into life after the Fourth Round draw. An all ticket game tonight the reason for the clamour a home game against Manchester City in the next round. The home fans will be hoping a ticket tonight will be good for the possibility of a win and the fixture against the Premiership team.

Yes a home fixture against current Premiership runaway leaders with the prospect of a full ground and a worldwide audience. The game is one of the live games chosen for the fourth round. I love cup games although I seem to be in the minority these days when league position is god and weaken teams or the norm. Chances are Manchester City will play a weaken team for their fourth round fixture.

“The FA Cup has lost lustre because of endless rotation and degrading in comparison to the Champions League and Premier League which now stretches down the leagues.

Move semi-finals away from Wembley, make the winner get a Champion League spot instead of Europa League and people would take it seriously again.” But it won’t happen.

I believe fans as well as owners, managers for the downgrading of the FA Cup so much so the final has been shunted to an early evening fixture from the traditional 3pm kick-off. Works better for the TV companies I believe.

Reading my social media many of my fellow Cardiff City fans would prefer to concentrate on our League position currently while I feel we could do both. Yes, we have injury problems but still I think you would find every player up for the game to beat Mansfield and a game against the Premier’s finest.

Cardiff boss Neil Warnock made four changes from the team that lost at QPR on New Year Day’s fixture for the FA Cup game against Mansfield a week later where they secured a replay of a 0-0 draw. I expect he could do the same again the league is the priority. However I have a feel he would love the chance to have a go at Man City and when the team sheet is release could surprise us.

There is no news of any injuries after the 4-0 win over Sunderland at the weekend but one player you unavailable is new loan signing Yanic Wildschut, as he is cup-tied. Will Warnock make many changes? The Mansfield boss his reported to be playing his strongest possible team as they eye a game with Manchester City.

It should have been No.1 - David Bowie's Life on Mars

SHOCKED I was after being put in my place when I said David Bowie’s “Life on Mars” was one of the greatest No.1s ever only to be told it never topped the UK singles chart. I just couldn’t believe the British public couldn’t see the greatness of this song.

The song was originally released on Bowie’s 1971 album Hunky Dory, but that LP failed to sell as well as Bowie had hoped and “Life on Mars?” had to wait until 1973 for a single release, by which time Ziggy Stardust had made him a star.

So I took to the internet in research mode to find the underlying cause of this disaster. Released in July 1973, reaching a measly third place in the chart and spent three weeks there. Still with a case of shock I needed to find out who or what kept it from being No.1 as I had no idea but I thought it must have been awesome.

The official charts website was very helpful and the 8 July when “Life of Mars” was there it was a Slade track, I can’t even remember so to YouTube to have a listen. “Skweeze me pleeze me” was No.1 and I vaguely remember it on hearing it but still it was shit. Peters and Lee were No.2 in the chart with “Welcome Home” better than Bowie’s I don’t think so but it was miles better than Slade’s crap.

The second week still at No.3 “Life on Mars” thank god the people of Britain seen the light when it came to Slade’s record and stop buying it as it slip down the charts. Peters and Lee took over at No.1 thanks to the oldies but Gary Glitter jump straight into the No.2 spot with “I’m the Leader of the Gang (I am!)” again not music I liked and don’t get me going on his image.

The final chance for “Life on Mars” before sliding down the charts was blocked my Peters and Lee and Gary Glitter swapping places. We all know what happen to Glitter and is there a case to expunge (remove completely) his chart history we don’t see him on archived ‘Top of the Pops’ shown regular on BBC 4. I think there is a case for this.

I still find it impossible that I am not talking about a No.1 song looking at the competition it was up against with lyrics like …

“See the mice in their million hordes

From Ibiza to the Norfolk Broads

Rule Britannia is out of bounds

To my mother, my dog, and clowns”

The song re-entered the UK charts at number 55 over 30 years later, largely because of its use in the BBC TV series Life on Mars. It’s also be covered by a number of singers, bands and orchestras.

Hue and Cry 1947 - Film Review

LAST NIGHT, while bored and nothing on TV I took to YouTube and the internet for some film I could save for times like this and even with hundreds of channels to view. I end up checking films made by Ealing Studios where many a British classics film was made.

I was drawn towards the 1947 film “Hue and Cry” and some good old boys own stuff. Looking at other films made that year there was the fantastic “Frieda” about a German woman marrying an RAF pilot after the war and coming to England. Another film and equally as good” It Always Rains on Sunday” starring (Googie Withers) as a former barmaid married to a middle-aged man who has two teenage daughters from a previous marriage. Her former lover/boyfriend, escapes from prison and seeks her out for help and I would highly recommend them both if you get the chance to see them.

Back then and when I was growing up in the sixties and early seventies comics were the king most kids read them I know I did and that gives us the start of the plot of the film, comics.

Hue and Cry centres on the young Joe Kirby played by Harry Fowler who with a gang of kids who play in and around the bomb sites of London. Jack Warner he of 'Dixon of Dock Green' where he was later to play a loveable copper is the baddie in this film. The Crooks were passing information between each other via a boy’s comic strip the smart Joe stumbles on to it even going to the police but no one believes him.

On unmasking this plot, when Joe unknowingly, trusts Warner who then kidnaps him, the chums manage to 'shanghai' a radio station microphone and set out the call: "Calling all boys - go to (Can't remember location!) for an adventure!" the next scene shows boys dropping everything - literally, the boy drops his mum's shopping, another's about to kiss a girl and runs off, etc.! Excellent scene! It turns out one of the comic's staff was obviously in on it.

There's a nice scene where the boys tie up one of the baddies, and set out to torture her for the information - this isn't as bad as it sounds, they can't really bring themselves to be vicious, so she's seen being tickled by a feather on her feet! Not impressed or bothered at all, one of the boys brings out his mouse - and 'being a woman', she squeals in more ways than one! Although that sounds like an easy scene it was quite amusing!

The 'boys' who do have a girl among them she is trying hard to be accepted by the boys.

There is the larger than life Alistair Sim to provide that added dimension of playful eccentricity in the person of the innocent writer who is completely unaware of the use to which his stories are being put. It all leads via a scene in the London sewers, predating "The Third Man", to the glorious climax where all the boys of the capital and one girl descend, quite literally in one case, on the baddies. And what better to round it all off than a shot of angelic choirboys, bandaged, black eyed and gap toothed, singing "Wings of a Dove!"

Must see TV - Week beginning 13/1/2018

A surprisingly quiet week for new programming normally January is stacked with new drama and other shows. I am still milling over whether or not to add Netflix to my TV package but this market is unstable at the moment with the likes of Amazon and even Disney scooping up content for their rival systems. Netflix will be losing the content of ABC in the near future and I like a TV schedule not box set viewing but we will see.

Still there is enough next week to keep me happy anyway, I am looking forward to Tuesday night and the new Gold Rush spin-off. There is also the return of a favourite of mine 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown on Friday.

Sunday 14 Jan

BBC 1 – The Coronation 8pm ***New***

On June 2nd 1953, Her Majesty the Queen set out to be crowned at Westminster Abbey, watched by millions of people throughout the world. A ceremony dating back more than 1000 years was to mark the dawn of a new Elizabethan age. Now, in what has become the longest reign of any British monarch, the Queen shares her memories of that day as well as the coronation of her father, King George VI, in 1937.

A combination of HD cameras and special 4K lenses reveal the incredible secrets and forensic details of a set of regalia that have a rich history of their own. Amongst the many glorious objects revealed, the film tells the extraordinary story of St Edward's Crown, which was destroyed after the English Civil War and remade for the coronation of Charles II in 1661. Her Majesty has only worn the crown once, at the moment she was crowned.

Viewing rarely seen private and official film footage of the day, Her Majesty the Queen recalls the day when the weight of both St Edward's Crown and the hopes and expectations of a nation recovering from war were on her shoulders, as the nation looked to their 27-year-old Queen to lead them to a new era.

Monday 15 Jan

W Channel – The Wave 8pm ***New Series***

Sounds a bit bizarre but even I like something new and this looks to be it for now. Welcome to a quiz like the one you have never seen before is the official statement to the shows makers.

Presented by my least favourite presenter Rylan Clark-Neal with assistance from Olympic silver medallist swimmer Keri-Anne Payne. To grab the cash, questions must be answered correctly. But to keep it, contestants must face the might of the Atlantic Ocean and everything it can throw at them to bag the cash. Being on W it will along with me attract a few more viewers.

ITVBe – Kendra on Top 10pm ***Returning Series***

Blame my sister for this appearing in my recommendation she was the one who switched me onto this show, thanks Michelle. However, the thing is Kendra is seriously hot and was once one of the stable of Hugh Hefner girlfriends at his Playboy Mansion.

Kendra leaves boot camp, fearing her mother’s Patti's tell-all-book could spell trouble. Later, Hank snubs Patti no overly family love there. The phone call from a book publisher to Patti can be real trouble for Kendra and Hank’s marriage still recovering from his much publicised cheating with transsexual model Ava Sabrina London. Patti agrees to meet with a book publisher, but does not tell her daughter about it.

Comedy Central – Roast Battle 10pm ***New Series***

Coming to the Comedy Central UK the popular ‘Roast Battle’ with Jimmy Carr, Russell Brand, and Katherine Ryan among those taking part in the judging seats. Ryan is very funny and I will be looking forward to seeing her stand-up show when it comes to Cardiff in March.

Each episode will involve a mix of established comics and new faces exchanging vicious unrestrained insults, and each show will be given a theme. Carr with Brand and Ryan part of the celebrity-judging panel who will decide the winners. The series will be recorded in front of a studio audience.

Tuesday 16 Jan

Discovery – Gold Rush: White Water 10pm ***New Series***

In this all-new series, the Dakota Boys put together a team of intrepid divers, mountaineers and bush mechanics to go where no miner has ever managed to explore – the depths of freezing plunge pools in white water rapids that have only recently become accessible. Nothing will stop these guys – they’ll dive in raging torrents with a six-inch suction dredge where one wrong move could have deadly consequences.

This is gold mining at its most extreme. Accessing the creek each day takes nerves of steel – traversing a death defying 400-foot canyon on a precarious zip-wire. That is not the only danger. The guys will face wild animals, extreme temperatures, and hypothermia from the freezing water.

But the Dakota boys will need to make a serious return on fellow gold miner Todd Hoffman’s investment – and soon. The pressure is on. However, can the Dakota Boys tame the wilderness, strike gold, and make it out unscathed?

Thursday 18 Jan

Sky Atlantic – Britannia 9pm ***New Series***

Set in 43AD, The story begins with General Aulus Plautius, played by David Morrissey, the only character from the series who existed in real life. He as to overcome an attempted mutiny from his 20,000 troops. They first refuse to board their ships to Britain because they are terrified of the myths and legends they have heard of cannibals and fierce warriors who live there but they soon set sail.

When they arrive, they advance from the south coast, conquering the country bit by bit by overcoming the existing tribe leaders who are also at war with each other. The Roman army have returned to crush the Celtic heart of Britannia, led by warrior women and powerful Druids who claim to channel the powerful forces of the underworld.

Friday 19 Jan

Channel 4 – 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown 9pm ***Returning Series***

Jimmy Carr hosts the comedy panel show's version of the words-and-numbers quiz, with captain Jon Richardson and Joe Wilkinson with the help of guest Kevin Bridges and Jessica Knappett. Carr will be joined by Dr John Cooper Clarke joins Susie Dent in Dictionary Corner, while Rachel Riley looks after the numbers and letters.